If I don't have anything to do all day, I might not even put my pants on. — Jennifer Lawrence Copy Share Image
HR Manager is a person who thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months !!! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There is no place more delightful than one's own fireside. Nullus est locus domestica sede jucundior. — Marcus Tullius Cicero Copy Share Image
In the U.K. and Ireland, crowd-work is a big thing. It shows you how funny someone would be if you met them… — Aisling Bea Copy Share Image
I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
It's funny because you make a film to hold all your feelings and thoughts about something, and you've tried to say it… — Eva Victor Copy Share Image
It's funny because TV wasn't something that I wanted to do. I wanted to do movies. I'd said a lot of no's… — Alycia Debnam-Carey Copy Share Image
Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Engineering...to define rudely but not inaptly, is the art of doing that well with one dollar, which any bungler can do with… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I really like being surrounded by good, funny people or good, clever people depending on whether I'm doing comedy or drama and… — Rebecca Front Copy Share Image
We're going to start with the injury report, obviously. Manning, Clark, Addai, Reggie Wayne, Freeney, Mathis, Brackett - all those guys will… — Rex Ryan Copy Share Image
The best part of your life is when your family becomes your friends and your friends become your family. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up. — Kristen Chandler Copy Share Image
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. — Paul R. Ehrlich Copy Share Image
What is really momentous and all-important with us is the present, by which the future is shaped and colored. — John Greenleaf Whittier Copy Share Image
Agreeable as it is to know where one is proceeding, it is far more important to know where one has arrived. — John Kenneth Galbraith Copy Share Image
AMNESIA: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labour to have sex again. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“The cybernetic operation?" "No, the sex change." The doctor's smile faltered. "I'm joking.” — Marissa Meyer Copy Share Image
Volleyball is just a more intense version of 'Don't let the balloon touch the floor.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A nonsense chat makes sense when you are talking with someone special, — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Men look at breasts the way women look at babies. 'Aw, isn't that lovely?' — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
You know I only go to church for two reasons, weddings and funerals, which one we gonna have today? — Madea Copy Share Image
I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling... the rest I spend foolishly. — Chic Murray Copy Share Image
Letting your phone ring a few times before answering so you seem busy. *Hahaha this is so me..* — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“And a beautiful garden, not far from a beautiful lake, and I said it sounded perfectly perfect.” — Vladimir Nabokov Copy Share Image
Milk, Milk, Lemonade, Around the corner fudge is made!!!!!!!!! — Peter Griffin Family Guy Copy Share Image
