“After months of training, I broke the record. Then right after that I celebrated by scratching all my CDs.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
Love will wreck your heart like a derailed train. So choo-choose your partner wisely.¨ — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I didn’t win a championship, but I did pop some champagne bottles—and a few locks. Why bother training when you can just… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Every time I see a train, I think of robbing it. Like a Wild West cowboy, I’m out to steal and collect… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My workout partner is a cat. We nap together. He spots me a place, and keeps it warm, and then as soon… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“An exercise in unknowing is not the same as not knowing or forgetting.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to weigh less, not through diet and exercise, but by acquiring a faulty scale.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The bullpen in a baseball park is the best place for matador training.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to instill courage in the cowardly. But training must begin at birth, and the weak identified while… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Are there any sleeping jobs, because I have a lot of experience. Years and years, actually. And with on the job training,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to go to the Olympics. But I don’t want to train, so who’s going to buy me a ticket? I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to stop a train. Another good thing to use would be brakes. I’ll sell you a set… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be hooked to ropes and attached to the body of a swimmer in training, to provide resistance and increase… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Yes, he was Chinese, but Chew wasn't only his last name, it was also his first. And I found this strange considering… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If my penis were big enough to be mistaken for a leg, I am not sure I'd want the world to know.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help you get used to the fact that you’ve been used. I’ve been used to, so… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to stop a train. But I’ve got a better way to stop a speeding train. Stand firmly… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to sit on the sofa, eating potato chips, while wearing one of those vibrating ab belts and getting a workout.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Every leap year I like to jump. It’s a good way to get my daily exercise in every four years.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
