“I want to make love to the French Revolution. Or maybe just get some head from Robespierre.” — Jarod Kintz French revolution Copy Share Image
“My name is MooMoo Cowlishaw, and I’m as vapid as vapor. Gaze at me grazing.” — Jarod Kintz Vapid Copy Share Image
“I live in the armpit of the country. I can tell by how hairy and smelly and hilly it is.” — Jarod Kintz Hairy Copy Share Image
“I wonder what city Grover Cleveland is from. Probably Cincinnati.” — Jarod Kintz Cincinnati Copy Share Image
“Don’t shave my head to make your wig of selfishness. Shave it because you care.” — Jarod Kintz Hair Copy Share Image
“We all have to have something to hold on to, even if it’s our own torso.” — Jarod Kintz Hold Copy Share Image
“Then he cocked his head to the side, arched his left eyebrow like a drawbridge, and said, “I am you in the… — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“The thing that has impacted life on earth the most is life on mars. That’s where the government is storing all my… — Jarod Kintz Earth life Copy Share Image
“It’s better to err on the side of more, than less, except if you’re talking about killing people with the last name… — Jarod Kintz Killing Copy Share Image
“If you don’t know how to love, then any old robot or mechanical device would best suit your relationship style. In this… — Jarod Kintz Lovers Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to crush the dreams of the little guy. Especially if that little guy’s dreams are roach like… — Jarod Kintz Brick Copy Share Image
“When I hear a politician has died in a car accident, I think, “How tragic! Even if the car suffered only a… — Jarod Kintz Car accident Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to say hello to all the goodbyes I’ll never see again. Keep it wrapped tight, because every… — Jarod Kintz Blanket Copy Share Image
“There is safety in numbers. And science. Clone your way to being safe. Nobody can protect you like you. And you and… — Jarod Kintz Safe Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. I thought together we could change the world, but you said you’d rather change the TV… — Jarod Kintz Change the world Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We were traveling in your car. You were driving, and I was securely fastened by ropes… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“If my doctor told me I only had five minutes to live, I’d probably change all the clocks in my house, because… — Jarod Kintz Clocks Copy Share Image
“Making money for my clones, now that’s what I call self-enrichment. Having all my clones working for me, working for free, and… — Jarod Kintz Identity Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to trap and contain love. I’ve tried other stuff, like a Ziploc bag, a can of tuna,… — Jarod Kintz Blanket Copy Share Image
“People don’t blush when they’re embarrassed. White people blush when they’re embarrassed. Why so embarrassed, white people? Any skeletons in your closet?… — Jarod Kintz Blush Copy Share Image
“The conversation went like this: Me: Hello? You left your panties over here. Her: Hello? Me: Oh, hi, grandma! I thought you… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“A trophy isn’t about the hardware, the gold-painted statue mounted on marble, it’s about the recognition of excellence. A trophy is a… — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“Instead of burning the midnight oil, you should try selling it.” — Jarod Kintz Selling Copy Share Image
“Chop off my erection. That way you don’t have to go battery-operated penis shopping.” — Jarod Kintz Erection Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Gone Copy Share Image
“We all need something to embrace, even if it’s just our own torso.” — Jarod Kintz Embrace Copy Share Image
“When my ex girlfriend left, I was crushed. Why’d she have to drive off in a steamroller?” — Jarod Kintz Crushed Copy Share Image
“If my last name were Hunter, I’d probably be more of a gatherer.” — Jarod Kintz Hunter Copy Share Image
“If my clone writes my biography, is it really an autobiography?” — Jarod Kintz Autobiography Copy Share Image
“A quiet kid is a good kid. But a quiet and invisible kid is an even better kid.” — Jarod Kintz Good Kid Copy Share Image
“I’m romantic. I’ll try to make your bed while you’re still sleeping in it.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I’m so old school I’m like a one-room schoolhouse—with no bathroom. I always keep it classy.” — Jarod Kintz Classy Copy Share Image
“Sunglasses make me feel cool. They also make me feel cool. (Stylish and refreshingly chilly).” — Jarod Kintz Cool Copy Share Image
