“I was looking for a reassuring hand to hold and steady my own, and I finally found it on the other side… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, "Wait until we're finished eating.” — Jarod Kintz Dance Copy Share Image
“I don’t understand open relationships. My relationship is like a normal business at 5:01 pm: very much closed.” — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
“I sneezed into the wind, and closed my eyes and imagined my face was barraged by cool ocean spray.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time.” — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“My first and last name is like a candy bar in your mouth that you can chew on as you say it.” — Jarod Kintz Candy bar Copy Share Image
“Getting to know somebody new—it’s part of the fun of avoiding people.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I like remembering her as she was—a fantasy of the future.” — Jarod Kintz Imagination Copy Share Image
“What the government makes to make money is money. They make money by making money—literally printing it. While the private sector has… — Jarod Kintz Hard way Copy Share Image
“When a writer has deep thoughts, I expect him to also have a deep voice. And if he doesn’t, he should remain… — Jarod Kintz Deep thought Copy Share Image
“If I only had one eye, I’d look at my other eyeball with my good eye. It would be in a jar… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“At the gun range I can’t hit the paper bull’s eye, no matter how carefully I aim at my wife.” — Jarod Kintz Marriage Copy Share Image
“When I told investors I was going to invent a self-love machine, they told me to go fuck myself. So I did—and… — Jarod Kintz Investing Copy Share Image
“We all want to be the best at something. Trouble is, some people are only the best at being second best. ” — Jarod Kintz Second best Copy Share Image
“I talked so much about my product that I sold myself. I bought the very thing I was selling, and I think… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Large metal objects moving at high speeds have such an impact on me that I just get paralyzed. Honk if you’re horny,… — Jarod Kintz Psychology Copy Share Image
“The first guy who beats me up isn’t going to pay for it, but the second guy who tries sure will.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Do onto others what others won’t do for themselves. If they won’t save their money, I’ll save their money for them.” — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“Cats are like mushrooms, only you'll rarely ever hear me scream, "Get off my pizza!" to a pack of mushrooms.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My advice is to write in the nude. Unless you do your writing in a public restroom, and in that case, I’d… — Jarod Kintz Flip flops Copy Share Image
“I’m a fan of Meatloaf. He has a voice like it’s covered in thick gravy. There’s nothing better to make love to,… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
