“We had some good fun together, didn’t we? That’s why I’m sorry to say I’m going to have to kill you.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Come buy from me what you could rent elsewhere. Like a Like button or a wiggly wrench—or donuts that yesterday would have… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m running late. But that’s OK, because I’m wearing Nikes.” — Jarod Kintz Running late Copy Share Image
“I hear phonetically on the phone. Toiletries sounds like toilet trees to me.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Some people create war and misery, some create wealth and money, and some create ideas and art. But we all create our… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to cover the engine of a car, much like a hood does, only the blanket would help… — Jarod Kintz Idle time Copy Share Image
“I wish there were a vending machine that served cats. Not to eat, but to pet during my work break.” — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“-I’m looking for a man— -There are several suspects in Topeka, Ks. that match that description. Why don’t you try there first?” — Jarod Kintz Looking for a man Copy Share Image
“Together me and Amy are Jaramy. Pearl Jam wrote a song about us speaking in class.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To me, beer tastes like piss. Maybe that's why I only enjoy it in the shower with my uncle.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I offer you a glass of water, and bring back a cup of ice, I’m trying to teach you patience. And… — Jarod Kintz Patience Copy Share Image
“Not only do I not believe in not believing in God, I’m also a big supporter of crutches, canes, walkers, and anything… — Jarod Kintz Difficult time Copy Share Image
“Should I go up one flight of stairs and then come back down, or should I go down one flight of stairs… — Jarod Kintz Different path Copy Share Image
“I sleep on my side. And if you’re not on my side, you’re against me.” — Jarod Kintz Sleep Copy Share Image
“I’m not in the system. I’m starting to question my own existence.” — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“When I didn’t know him I punched him in the face. The best part about him is his nose.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My phone died, so I cremated it along with my grandpa. Well, he was taking up too much room in my freezer.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wear brown shirts to protect against the combination of coffee and clumsiness. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Me and my clones will form a band called The Eels. I’ll be one of the most electrifying performers of all time.” — Jarod Kintz Music making Copy Share Image
“You vote Democrat even if you vote Republican, because they’re two sides of the same coin. So stop flipping that coin. The… — Jarod Kintz Illusion of control Copy Share Image
“My hand inside a glove is like a painting in a frame, and should be insured as such. The things my hand… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to drum up interest for instruments that are played by beating them with sticks.” — Jarod Kintz Music making Copy Share Image
“I got a call back on a job query from a week ago. It’s for a front desk position at a luxury… — Jarod Kintz Front desk Copy Share Image
“A brick could be slid on a wood floor, like a rolling bowling ball, in an attempt to fill the seconds between… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The difference between me and a scientist is a little word called “Science.” I don’t believe in it. Science has yet to… — Jarod Kintz Science Copy Share Image
“Where was I last night? I don’t remember myself. I mean I remember me—I didn’t suffer from an out-of-body experience—but I myself… — Jarod Kintz Last night Copy Share Image
“One thought I think every person eventually thinks is, “Holy shit, I’m going to die!” Sorry, I just turned thirty yesterday, so… — Jarod Kintz Death Copy Share Image
“When I was two, a year was half of my life. It must have felt like forever. But when I’m 99, a… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“A clone’s most valuable function would be as a gift giver, because who else but you knows exactly what you want? Only… — Jarod Kintz Gift Giver Copy Share Image
“Siamese twins have it great because one can jack off while the other talks dirty.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“She didn’t have the body of the supermodel. But that’s OK, because she didn’t have the face of one either.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is orange, though sometimes it will make you blue. You might see that as depressing, but I see it as a… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Salmon swim against my stream of consciousness.” — Jarod Kintz Stream of consciousness Copy Share Image
“Bricks could be used to build structures that homosapiens can live in and engage in homosexuality in. Crazy, right? Well, it is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m growing my hair out. Out of the country, because it’s cheaper to grow it in China.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
