“A brick could be used to illustrate the seriousness of the situation. You’ll know I’m not playing when I display a brick.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When people change, I’m disappointed they’re not who I remember them being. And when people don’t change, I’m disappointed they still are… — Jarod Kintz People change Copy Share Image
“100% of half the people I talked to agreed with me a quarter of the time.” — Jarod Kintz Time Copy Share Image
“I have a 12:34 representational time dance. I do it at 3:33 every other Tuesday (twice a day). If you’d like to… — Jarod Kintz Dance Copy Share Image
“I once had a dream about a woman, and the next day she died. I stopped sleeping for three days after that… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“I am Orafoura and he is me. And he is not me. And I am not me. Or him. And I am… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“When I was young, I was 13 going on 31. Then when I was 30 going on 31, I was 30 going… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“His first name is Brooks, but his last name isn’t. His last name is Wrinkled, unlike his shirt (he isn’t wearing one).” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wouldn’t even be the “world’s sexiest man” if the planet were populated entirely by my clones. ” — Jarod Kintz Sexiest Man Copy Share Image
“I talked to him on Christmas, and again on March 5th. Neither one of us hung up the phone that whole time.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The book “Little Women,” what, is that about midgets? I freaking love midgets.” — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“-I have this friend—you don’t know him—but— -Is his name Molloway? -No. -Oh. I don’t know anybody named Molloway, so that’s why… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There are only two ways to love—in spite of yourself, and in spite of the restraining order.” — Jarod Kintz Restraining order Copy Share Image
“The woman of my dreams was tired. The woman of my dreams always lets me sleep in. The woman of my dreams… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“I want to write a song about one man's level of commitment called, "I'd walk to the edge of the world, just… — Jarod Kintz Edge of the world Copy Share Image
“The price of gold is up 14 fold since last time I tried unfolding it. And laundry has declined two folds.” — Jarod Kintz Last time Copy Share Image
“I am not the monster you think I am. No, I am an entirely different monster. I'm sort of like a mixture… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“His name was Chase, so to make things interesting, I gave him a bit of a head start. Sort of like I… — Jarod Kintz Head start Copy Share Image
“How do you know you are who you are? How do you know you’re not simply a clone of who you think… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You drink wine by the glass, and I drink wine by the trashcan. Seriously, I’ll be by the trashcan if you need… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s amazing how nostalgia filters out the bad and focuses only on the good.” — Jarod Kintz Nostalgia Copy Share Image
“I am the minister in The Ministry of Scarcity, but I’m not ordained because they were out of the paper they use… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
Im trying to overcome my OCD by replacing my neurosis with three other letters. — Jarod Kintz Neurosis Copy Share Image
“I would hate to see seventeen people with monosyllabic names like Mike or Ann die, but if they did, and you wrote… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Every man has a soul, but will every man’s clone have a soul? No, because me and some scientists will have sucked… — Jarod Kintz Every man Copy Share Image
“If an ambulance gets in a wreck, who drives them to the hospital? Why doesn’t the hospital drive to them? I volunteer… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Is a picture really worth a thousand words? What thousand words? A thousand words from a lunatic, or a thousand words from… — Jarod Kintz Thousand words Copy Share Image
“Nobody’s going to notice what’s not there, unless something was there and now is not. But if it wasn’t there all along,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When someone looks at something they don’t understand and they say, “That could be a good thing, or that could be a… — Jarod Kintz Bad thing Copy Share Image
“Love isn’t stackable and interlocking, like boxes or Legos. Love is like a one-legged man standing on a three-legged chair that is… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“You don’t need brass knuckles to discover if a man has a glass jaw. All you need to do is stick his… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like March 5th marches in a marching band. And guess what, as the marching band director, I… — Jarod Kintz Hudson river Copy Share Image
“If anybody can appreciate fine music, it's me. I mean who else can hit multiple octaves with their armpits?” — Jarod Kintz Music Copy Share Image
