“My love has six sides, but it’s not a coffin. That’s just an optical illusion. Still, one day my love for you… — Jarod Kintz Death Copy Share Image
“It’s what you do in your free time that will set you free—or enslave you.” — Jarod Kintz Free time Copy Share Image
“My face looks different now that I got the boundaries redrawn by an experienced cartographer.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want a ride that’s comfy and fast. And you just can’t beat the gas mileage or upholstery of a horse.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Falling in love should be natural, like the food at Moe’s. Baby, I am so hungry for you, even though I know… — Jarod Kintz Falling in love Copy Share Image
“It's sad to see old friends have to move away, but at the same time, you know the retirement home is the… — Jarod Kintz Old friends Copy Share Image
“Is there relationship insurance? You know, in case someone steals your significant other? If not, there should be.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“How many seconds does it take to win second? As many as it takes to win first—if you don’t use them properly.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I’m typing at my keyboard, I often feel like Mozart. Can somebody scratch my Bach? ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Too much much is a dangerous thing. But not as dangerous as danger itself.” — Jarod Kintz Danger Copy Share Image
“She said, “What?” so I replied, “What what?” She gave me a look that said, “What what what?” and I didn’t respond… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“She said, “You disgust me. How do you live with yourself?” So I said, “Like I live with my clone: with many… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is the sound of footsteps behind you in a dark hallway. Why does it seem like I’m walking on grass, rather… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“Cats are living, breathing blankets. But a blanket, no matter how furry, cannot be used like a purrless cat. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“So I just got a call from the hotel, and they want me to start work tomorrow. I’m excited to have a… — Jarod Kintz Art work Copy Share Image
“I saw you see me like a seesaw, and I knew you were the one to be number two.” — Jarod Kintz Number Two Copy Share Image
“I made love with a cute woman yesterday. I would have made love with a gorgeous woman, but she was more expensive.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a pillow, if you first wrap it with a blanket. But if you’re shivering from being… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a smothering agent, sort of like an employee of the NSA. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Factor in the fact that factories should only hire people they make themselves, I believe, and you can see why I want… — Jarod Kintz Sands of time Copy Share Image
“I love in all directions, except southeast. Don’t ask me why, because I already told you where. Also, don’t ask me who,… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to smother a fire—but not the fire that burns in my heart for you. Or perhaps that’s… — Jarod Kintz Fire Copy Share Image
“I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even try! I simply waited. I’ll bet… — Jarod Kintz Sleep Copy Share Image
“Love is two smiles shared between two people. Or two smiles and a smirk, shared between one couple and a jerk. Or… — Jarod Kintz Children Copy Share Image
“I was nine minutes late for my last birthday party. And I was nine months on time for my first birthday.” — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We were at a buffet, but instead of eating food, we were forced to eat our… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“I know that man started animal husbandry thousands of years ago, and I think it’s disgusting. Men and animals should never be… — Jarod Kintz Animals Copy Share Image
“The butcher died, and he requested to be cremated. But I don’t want to burn him, because I like my meat medium… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Ask my mustache anything you want, and my mouth will answer for it. And after the question and answer session, my right… — Jarod Kintz Right hand Copy Share Image
“The very thing keeping me alive is also killing me—love. No wonder the rose symbolizes both love and death. They should have… — Jarod Kintz Death Copy Share Image
“I need to work smarter, harder, faster, and longer than you. And if I still don't come out in front, then simply… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I put a basketball hoop in the trees, to help the squirrels and give them a nice net to store their nuts… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I made plans for 8:00. When my girlfriend told me she was late, I told her, “That’s funny, because my sperm was… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
