Quote by Jarod Kintz

““I made plans for 8:00. When my girlfriend told me she was late, I told her, “That’s funny, because my sperm was absent.””

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 4.6 out of 5 (7 ratings)

More by Jarod Kintz

“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?”

Image

“I wouldn’t love you if you were the last Sodomite in Gomorrah.”

Image

“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been…

Image

“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,…

Image

“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)”

Image

“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out…

Image

“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.”

Image

“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.”

Image

“Embossed letters represent the topography of typography.”

Image

“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.”

Image

“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other…

Image

“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg…

Image