There is nothing about myself that I wouldn't reveal or write about. I don't care how horrendous or ridiculous I may appear… — Augusten Burroughs Care Copy Share Image
Like every child, I adored her. Until I formed a brain and got to know her. — Augusten Burroughs Brain Copy Share Image
“You must hang onto the scraps of the bucking moment as if your sanity and life depended on it - because actually… — Augusten Burroughs Life Copy Share Image
Real optimism is not the pep talk you give yourself. It is earned through the labor involved in emotional housekeeping. — Augusten Burroughs Emotional Copy Share Image
If you hate your life, you haven't' seen enough of it. If you hate your life, it's because your life is too… — Augusten Burroughs Enough Copy Share Image
I think writers tend to be experience junkies, and I think they also tend to want to be on the outside looking… — Augusten Burroughs Junkie Copy Share Image
I think part of the reason I'm attracted to Foster is because he's such a mess. I mean, the people I have… — Augusten Burroughs Challenges Copy Share Image
“On typical days, (dust) is simply irritating. On Roid Rage days, it made me want to stomp down to the highway, pull… — Augusten Burroughs Anger Copy Share Image
I'm like the guy who prepares your taxes or a dentist. I'm very conservative and boring in a lot of ways. — Augusten Burroughs Boring Copy Share Image
“Nothing surprises me now," I tell him. I am stoic. I am Joan of Arc, with liver damage and an unused penis.” — Augusten Burroughs Humor Copy Share Image
What I really want is to sit next to someone under an L.L. bean blanket on the beach in the fall and… — Augusten Burroughs Beach Copy Share Image
“My worth depended on where exactly the decimal was placed among the zeroes.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Bookman isn't a stable man. He has a lot of problems that run very, very deep." But he was really good at… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Confidence is a reduction of your own interest in whether others are thinking about you and if so, what they're thinking. — Augusten Burroughs Confidence Copy Share Image
“Didn’t every new thing you did become a part of you, one of your bricks?” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
My thoughts seem thick, ketchup stuck in a bottle. Like trying to feel someone's face while wearing goosedown mittens. — Augusten Burroughs Bottles Copy Share Image
He continues to smile expectantly. I take a step back. I don't want to catch whatever he has. He is a disturbing… — Augusten Burroughs Disturbing Copy Share Image
Freshly brainwashed from rehab, I carry the bottle into the bathroom. I hold it up to the light. See the pretty bottle?… — Augusten Burroughs Answers Copy Share Image
“I understand why sometimes people speak in cliches because sometimes there is no other way to describe something.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“One thing was certain: I would be in their Tang commercial. And if any of the other children tried to get in… — Augusten Burroughs Children Copy Share Image
“I would borrow the microphone and stuff it down the front of my pants, examining myself from every angle in the mirror” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I never could have written the screenplay because I would have been forced to learn new software and I can't learn one… — Augusten Burroughs Has beens Copy Share Image
“If you meet somebody and they love you when you are your true, awful, not-ready-yet, boring, not cool enough, not handsome enough,… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
