“You must hang onto the scraps of the bucking moment as if your sanity and life depended on it - because actually… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“When I turned thirty, I briefly flirted with the notion of undergoing sexual reassignment surgery. Once again, I was ready for a… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“The more time I spent at the Finches', the more I realized what a waste of my life this school crap was.… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Paul, all I know is that this is the third time we've talked tonight, you're saying 'fuck' to me, I'm a guy,… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“It may seem to you that your life is over now. Your future without the person you love is no future at… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Each time my mother went psychotic, I hoped it would be the last time. Afterward she would tell me, 'I think that… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
[Christmas] holidays are a heavy, heavy time. We make light of them with our red and green and our stockings and candy… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
You cannot be a prisoner of your past against your will. Because you can only live in the past inside your mind. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I was learning that if I lived slightly in the future-what will happen next-I didn't have to feel so much about what… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
When people meet me, many times they're very surprised because they expect someone who is kind of wacky with seven piercings and… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“The events of the past cannot be fully understood when you are the only element of the past actively engaged in reliving… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
The past does not haunt us. We haunt the past. We allow our minds to focus in that direction. We open memories… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Time moves only forward, never back. We look forward to a moment and then it arrives and an instant later it is… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Oh, I had a great time. My thirty-three-year-old boyfriend said he wished they could package my cum like ice cream so he… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Despite evidence to the contrary, I hated drinking to the point that I misplaced really big slabs of time.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“It seems like maybe we tried to sleep normally a long time ago, when Bentley was a puppy. But then he gradually… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
The most valuable moments and experiences that life has to offer are found only along its most treacherous paths. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
So we can be filled with holes and loss and wide expanses of unhealed geography - and we can also be excited… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“At that moment it would have been easier for me to spontaneously grasp quantum string theory” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
My mistake was in underestimating the emotional force of a song you have already hear a thousand times. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Optimism sprouts from the knowledge that you are in control of your own life, not your past and not those around you.… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
There is nothing about myself that I wouldn't reveal or write about. I don't care how horrendous or ridiculous I may appear in person… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Like every child, I adored her. Until I formed a brain and got to know her. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“You must hang onto the scraps of the bucking moment as if your sanity and life depended on it - because actually they do.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Real optimism is not the pep talk you give yourself. It is earned through the labor involved in emotional housekeeping. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
If you hate your life, you haven't' seen enough of it. If you hate your life, it's because your life is too small and… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I think writers tend to be experience junkies, and I think they also tend to want to be on the outside looking in. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I think part of the reason I'm attracted to Foster is because he's such a mess. I mean, the people I have loved in… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“On typical days, (dust) is simply irritating. On Roid Rage days, it made me want to stomp down to the highway, pull drivers out… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I'm like the guy who prepares your taxes or a dentist. I'm very conservative and boring in a lot of ways. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Nothing surprises me now," I tell him. I am stoic. I am Joan of Arc, with liver damage and an unused penis.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
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