Like every child, I adored her. Until I formed a brain and got to know her. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“One thing was certain: I would be in their Tang commercial. And if any of the other children tried to get in… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I really look at my childhood as being one giant rusty tuna can that I continue to recycle in many different shapes. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
As a child, I was never drawn toward depraved or extreme situations; I really wanted a normal little childhood. Unfortunately, that's just… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
As a young child I had Santa and Jesus all mixed up. I could identify Coke or Pepsi with just one sip,… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
My instinct was always have your gun in your hand. Especially when you are telling somebody to do something. But, in fact,… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“When I was ten years old, I realized I'd been kidnapped as a toddler. Of course, I would have to have been… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Parents who have lost a child should be told that they will never heal from their loss. They will always have a… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
All children should be loved, protected, nurtured --emotionally and intellectually-- respected, and never, under any circumstances, underestimated. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“I didn't begin life hating my grandmother. Like every child, I adored her. Until I formed a brain and got to know… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Suddenly, this word fills me with a sense of sadness I haven't felt since childhood. The kind of sadness you feel at… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“The Schnauzer listens to jazz. I listen to jazz because he likes it, and I have even gone to jazz concerts with… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Each time my mother went psychotic, I hoped it would be the last time. Afterward she would tell me, 'I think that… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“All children should be loved, protected, nurtured--emotionally and intellectually--respected, and never, under any circumstances, underestimated. Especially, most essentially, by themselves.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Childhood is what ended me up in the hospital and teetering on the edge of deathly alcoholism. It was really good for… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
But then, look at me. My brain is incorrectly formed, and I'm shaped like a tube. Plus, I'm an alcoholic, a "survivor"… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
So that's what I'm here to become. And suddenly, this word fills me with a brand of sadness I haven't felt since… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Sober. So that’s what I’m here to become. And suddenly, this word fills me with a brand of sadness I haven’t felt… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I saw a monkey walking on a leash and thought it was an ugly foreign child. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“It's not that I was an outright nitwit of a child. It's that the things even a nitwit could do with little… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
As I sat in the hot, salty water, I thought, 'No wonder Mr. Bubble always gives me a urinary tract infection and… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
There is nothing about myself that I wouldn't reveal or write about. I don't care how horrendous or ridiculous I may appear in person… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Like every child, I adored her. Until I formed a brain and got to know her. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“You must hang onto the scraps of the bucking moment as if your sanity and life depended on it - because actually they do.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Real optimism is not the pep talk you give yourself. It is earned through the labor involved in emotional housekeeping. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
If you hate your life, you haven't' seen enough of it. If you hate your life, it's because your life is too small and… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I think writers tend to be experience junkies, and I think they also tend to want to be on the outside looking in. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I think part of the reason I'm attracted to Foster is because he's such a mess. I mean, the people I have loved in… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“On typical days, (dust) is simply irritating. On Roid Rage days, it made me want to stomp down to the highway, pull drivers out… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I'm like the guy who prepares your taxes or a dentist. I'm very conservative and boring in a lot of ways. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Nothing surprises me now," I tell him. I am stoic. I am Joan of Arc, with liver damage and an unused penis.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
