I'm like the guy who prepares your taxes or a dentist. I'm very conservative and boring in a lot of ways. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I never question the way I write. Writing is the only thing that's without seams for me. It's an effort to talk… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I just look at her and she creeps me out. She looks like she would eat a baby. Not that she's fat.… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I was in advertising for years. That was cushy, you know? It's pretty cushy in a lot of ways, but I hated… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Even painfully shy and awkward people are not painfully shy or awkward when they are alone. The way to access this natural,… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I'm not going to waste my energy looking into the eyes of someone like the guy who blew my legs off trying… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Tracy, the leader of the CDH group, looks at me with eyes that seem to belong to someone three times her age.… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
It was unnerving, the way she could go from cool efficiency to sarcastic to sweet within the space of thirty seconds. I… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Thanksgiving was nothing more than a pilgrim-created obstacle in the way of Christmas; a dead bird in the street that forced a… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
My mother began to go crazy. Not in a 'Let's paint the kitchen red!' sort of way. But crazy in a 'gas… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
In the same way that a tornado rips the roof off a double-wide trailer, leaving the occupants dazed and staring at the… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Not crazy in a 'let's paint the kitchen bright red!' sort of way. But crazy in a 'gas oven, toothpaste sandwich, I… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
The reason I know what we are to each other is because we fight freely and almost constantly, about even the smallest… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
My attraction had been immediate and profound. And it had nothing to do with the way he looked. My attraction was to… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
And of course, the answer came to me in the same way Jesus comes to those who drink in trailers: as an… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
What nobody understood then is this: The only way that you achieve what you want and fulfill your dreams and become great… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Some damage is too severe, some harm endures. And what you have to do is accept it. And by accept it I… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
No matter what I've written, someone somewhere has come up to me and said, "Me too." The truth can be offensive, but… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I understood at once, I am not living, but actively dying. I am smoking, living unhealthily. I’m shutting down. I need to… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
In some ways, blogging is like drinking - it gives a person permission to be a total asshole. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
There is nothing about myself that I wouldn't reveal or write about. I don't care how horrendous or ridiculous I may appear in person… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Like every child, I adored her. Until I formed a brain and got to know her. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“You must hang onto the scraps of the bucking moment as if your sanity and life depended on it - because actually they do.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
Real optimism is not the pep talk you give yourself. It is earned through the labor involved in emotional housekeeping. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
If you hate your life, you haven't' seen enough of it. If you hate your life, it's because your life is too small and… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I think writers tend to be experience junkies, and I think they also tend to want to be on the outside looking in. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I think part of the reason I'm attracted to Foster is because he's such a mess. I mean, the people I have loved in… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“On typical days, (dust) is simply irritating. On Roid Rage days, it made me want to stomp down to the highway, pull drivers out… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I'm like the guy who prepares your taxes or a dentist. I'm very conservative and boring in a lot of ways. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Nothing surprises me now," I tell him. I am stoic. I am Joan of Arc, with liver damage and an unused penis.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
