“If you go to movies, choose the funny ones first and avoid anything you know will end on a sad note.” — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.” — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“Never use naughtiness in mixed company, unless your witticism is so funny that your audience will shoot tears of happiness out of… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“By the early-afternoon hours, if your brain is normal, it's running strictly on inertia and reflex. All you can do during those… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“Insanity is always a reasonable diagnosis when you're dealing with writers and artists” — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“We humans like to think we are creatures of reason. We aren't. The reality is that we make our decisions first and… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“Scott: What's the cure? Doctor: There is none. Scott: But that isn't what I heard. The optimist in me translated the gloomy… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“Beware of puns and other clever wordplay. The only people who appreciate puns are the people who can do them. It’s like… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“If you think your odds of solving your problem are bad, don’t rule out the possibility that what is really happening is that you… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“If you want success, figure out the price, then pay it. It sounds trivial and obvious, but if you unpack the idea it has… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you. Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark and George Meson. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“Failure always brings something valuable with it. I don’t let it leave until I extract that value.” — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“On all the important stuff, we are emotional creatures who make decisions first and rationalize them after the fact.” — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“What you rarely see is a stillborn failure that transmogrifies into a stellar success. Small successes can grow into big ones, but failures rarely… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“Because everything you perceive is a metaphor for something your brain is not equipped to fully understand. God is as real as the clothes… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“Capitalism is rotten at every level, and yet it adds up to something extraordinarily useful for society over time. The paradox of capitalism is… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
