The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
I was surprised to learn that doing household chores qualifies as romantic for most of you [women]. That's exactly why you should… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
If you're following the news, you know that the major religions differ in their interpretation of the holy books. For example, one… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
Crackpot is an excellent job because the expectations are so low. No one ever tells crackpots that they should be doing more. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
Boss: I just heard that light travels faster than sound. I'm wondering if I should shout when I speak, just so my… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
I believe everybody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
Everyone says there's a lack of leadership in the world these days. I think we should all be thankful, because the only… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“If you think your odds of solving your problem are bad, don’t rule out the possibility that what is really happening is that you… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
Frankly, I’m suspicious of anyone who has a strong opinion on a complicated issue. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“If you want success, figure out the price, then pay it. It sounds trivial and obvious, but if you unpack the idea it has… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
For five hundred dollars, I'll name a subatomic particle after you. Some of my satisfied customers include Arthur C. Quark and George Meson. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“Failure always brings something valuable with it. I don’t let it leave until I extract that value.” — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“On all the important stuff, we are emotional creatures who make decisions first and rationalize them after the fact.” — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“What you rarely see is a stillborn failure that transmogrifies into a stellar success. Small successes can grow into big ones, but failures rarely… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“Because everything you perceive is a metaphor for something your brain is not equipped to fully understand. God is as real as the clothes… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
“Capitalism is rotten at every level, and yet it adds up to something extraordinarily useful for society over time. The paradox of capitalism is… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
![“I was surprised to learn that doing household chores qualifies as romantic for most of you [women]. That's exactly why you should never hire a butler if you strike it rich - the minute that Jeeves starts unloading the dishwasher without being asked, your wife is going to start humping his leg.” quote by Scott Adams](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/71d/scott-adams-666_butlers_i-was-surprised-to-learn-that-doing-hous_392613.jpg)
