My dad's a very funny man when he gets going. I remember clearly, from a young age, thinking, 'I want to be… — Rebecca Front Copy Share Image
I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself. — George Burns Copy Share Image
I have asked my mom and my sister a couple times if I should post something or not. Or if they think… — Cameron Dallas Copy Share Image
“And now," Eric yelled into his mircophone, "we're going to sing a new song-one we just wrote. This one's for my girlfriend.… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
Our consciousness wants to connect through struggle and even pain. So in a funny sort of way, vulnerability is attractive. — Zoe Buckman Copy Share Image
I got a business card because I wanna win some lunches. That's what my business card says: Mitch Hedberg, Potential Lunch Winner.… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I came from a classical background, and I was teaching and earning a living out of music at a certain level, so… — Bryce Dessner Copy Share Image
“Yes, I know," Isadora said, and then read her poem, leaning forward so Carmelita Spats would not overhear: "I would rather eat… — Lemony Snicket Copy Share Image
Being funny was something I was doing before I understood what that even was. Now I'm making a career out of it. — Kayvan Novak Copy Share Image
Ignore that nightmare in the bathroom. Just another ugly refugee from the Love Generation, some doom-struck gimp who couldn't handle the pressure.… — Hunter S. Thompson Copy Share Image
There's nothing on it worthwhile, and we're not going to watch it in this household, and I don't want it in your… — Philo Farnsworth Copy Share Image
“If you ladies have had your fun I think you should tell Calvin and Meg a little more about all this," Charles… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to… — Chelsea Handler Copy Share Image
I watched a dog chase its tail for 10 minutes and I thought to myself, Wow dogs are easily entertained Then I… — Lars Propst Copy Share Image
“It's funny,' I said. 'It's very funny. And it's a lot of fun, too, to be in love.' 'Do you think so?'… — Ernest Hemingway Copy Share Image
“La cucaracha, La cucaracha, Ya no puede caminar, porque no tiene, porque le falta, I don't know the rest, la la la… — Simone Elkeles Copy Share Image
“This is how I lose weight: Time to raid the stores and buy as much junk food as I can! OOPS! Oh,… — Sarah Willey Copy Share Image
I found myself declaiming, full flower, for an hour on the "utmost importance and urgency" of Blogging, telling him in no uncertain… — Tom Peters Copy Share Image
I do keep getting these bad girl roles. The funny thing is that, honestly, I don't think I'm believable as these aristocratic… — Katie McGrath Copy Share Image
It would be amazing if we got someone like Sarah Silverman on the show, not having a script and just being herself.… — Alex Horne Copy Share Image
When I started writing this blog more than years ago, it was in response to traditional media's habit of twisting interviews to… — Mark Cuban Copy Share Image
“You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon… — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
I’m not a religious person; I would call myself an atheist. I don’t have a good story behind it, I’m just reasonable. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I've been called funny. I assume my wife thinks I'm funny. But generally, if you bumped into me and said hello, I… — Robert Webb Copy Share Image
I was at a bar, and this guy bumped into me, and he did not apologize, and he said, "Move!" I thought… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Why do they put alcohol on the arm of a death row inmate before they give him the needle? Are they afraid… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Sudenly Garge spring up and walk to the wall to admire some modarn art hanging on Frank and Estele Catandas wall. Hes… — Seinfeld 2000 Copy Share Image
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
“He tends to go for girls who are-Shelby, honey? Put your hands over your ears for just a sec.” Back into the… — Robyn Carr Copy Share Image
I probably would have gone the M.F.A. route except I was a dad at 19, and it made more sense to go… — Jess Walter Copy Share Image
You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
A recent study announced that 52 per cent of all teens who sign virginity pledges recant them within twelve months. If I'm… — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
“I'll ring for Mrs. Mullet," Feely said, reaching for a velvet pull that hung near the mantelpiece, and which probably hadn't been… — Alan Bradley Copy Share Image
There are quite a few very funny people in my life. You know those people who don't mean to be funny, they… — Tori Amos Copy Share Image
Last time I cooked a hot meal, it was so nicely done that my neighbors had to wake me up... Just to… — Jeromy Shingongo Copy Share Image
Dear high school boys, your penis is not pinnochios nose, it doesn't get bigger everytime you lie about it's size. Sincerely, Reality — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I like Colbert because he's funny, and he's cool. He knows how to have fun and doesn't stick his nose up to… — Kimberly Guilfoyle Copy Share Image
My dad is a really funny guy, and we would make jokes about my leukemia. When my friends would come over, we… — Vanessa Bayer Copy Share Image
“What's up? Not much. What's down? The ground. Silly Rhymes Don't make sense I'm starting to get tense... Well, there is so… — Sarah Willey Copy Share Image
If y0u Love S0meone, be a waRrior.. fight f0r it., but iF thAt s0meOne loVe's s0meone else., thEn be a soldieR,... KILL… — Megz Copy Share Image
![“You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they want to know whether they work or not.” quote by Andy Rooney](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/992/andy-rooney-1253_blame_you-really-can-t-blame-the-military-for_569232.jpg)
