“Underwater, bubbles erupted before my eyes as a swift hand snatched my arm and pulled me to the surface. I gasped for… — Laura Kreitzer Copy Share Image
I recently spent quite a bit of time in Sheffield, England, which is where I'm from. I wouldn't move back there, but… — Jarvis Cocker Copy Share Image
Sometimes, the other characters are too normal and then you start to be brought back to reality but then Luna shows up… — Evanna Lynch Copy Share Image
Honey, put down that razor. Forget what negative things were said to you. Only remember positive things. FORCE those thoughts of suicidecompletely… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
One of the most important phases of maturing is that of growth from self-centering to an understanding relationship to others. A person… — Harry Allen Overstreet Copy Share Image
I never joined the army because at ease was never that easy to me. Seemed rather uptight still. I don't relax by… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
When I was little playing all these tournaments, I was so professional already. My parents were like, 'Oh, my gosh, she's crazy.'… — Ajla Tomljanovic Copy Share Image
I found myself declaiming, full flower, for an hour on the "utmost importance and urgency" of Blogging, telling him in no uncertain… — Tom Peters Copy Share Image
People have said to me for a long time, "Man you're funny." I say, "Well, I'm quick," but being funny on purpose,… — Denzel Washington Copy Share Image
“There are four categories of questions Emmily asks: 1. Can I please go to the bathroom? 2. Where is the bathroom? 3.… — Jim Benton Copy Share Image
It's funny how I use social media because I don't use it to promote my restaurants that much. I use it for… — Tom Colicchio Copy Share Image
“What is it about Paris that I just can’t keep my hands off of you?” I ask him in between kisses. “It… — Ella Dominguez Copy Share Image
There are many styles of standup, but the comedians I like are people like Dick Gregory and Richard Pryor. Because Richard Pryor… — Charlie Murphy Copy Share Image
So if you're black or brown, you can make money in America, you can get rich in America... but whatever you decide… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
Whoever has not experienced the pleasure of taking a young lady to her first game of ball should seize the first opportunity… — John Montgomery Ward Copy Share Image
“It's true. Goodfellow is monogamous. he's become a freak. A pervert. Depravity on the cloven hoof." "Or his balls fell off," suggested… — Rob Thurman Copy Share Image
I think the thrust of any child is to try to fit in and be part of it. And I can't tell… — Howie Mandel Copy Share Image
I worked with Tyler before on 'Daddy's Little Girls'. He couldn't be smarter or more laid back and cool. He's always throwing… — Craig Robinson Copy Share Image
“I could seriously get used to having a houseboy,” she said wistfully. He raised an eyebrow. “Boy?” “Er, um, house hottie then?… — Maya Banks Copy Share Image
I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy 'Let me… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
What I do onstage, there's maybe .0001 percent of the population that acts like that. I talk like that because it makes… — Larry the Cable Guy Copy Share Image
It's funny. People often compare me to other humor essayists. They're usually quite nice comparisons; I will accept those gladly. But I… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
What's funny is that by the time everyone plays the game - you know, we finish it, and then it takes a… — Todd Howard Copy Share Image
I'm an off-road racecar driver. And I think every woman in my life has told me that's not a sensible hobby. But… — Dax Shepard Copy Share Image
If you record the world honestly, there's no way people can stop being funny. A lot of fiction writing doesn't get that… — Lorrie Moore Copy Share Image
It's so much easier to sit home and not exercise and criticize other people. What I love is inspiring people. People come… — Gwyneth Paltrow Copy Share Image
The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was noone on the other… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
Something that I've always been really keen on representing is some honesty with the way that we view ourselves. That's something I've… — Florence Pugh Copy Share Image
I always wanted my kids to like me and think I was funny, so I made up this story about a kid… — Rhea Perlman Copy Share Image
Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
My mom never saw me funny, which is really sad. She was everything I wanted to be. She was gorgeous, magnetic, creative,… — Taylor Tomlinson Copy Share Image
I read and learned and fretted more about Canada after I left than I ever did while I was home. I absorbed… — Will Ferguson Copy Share Image
I tried eating vegetarian. I felt like a wimp going into a restaurant. "What do you want to eat sir? Broccoli?" Broccoli's… — Denis Leary Copy Share Image
I detest jokes - when somebody tells me one, I feel my IQ dropping; the brain cells start to disappear. But something… — Johnny Depp Copy Share Image
I think funny comes from tragedy and time. And I think that's where I get it. I'm able to take things that… — Bobby Bones Copy Share Image
“Come on, you guys. I know you want to line up to hug this motherfucker here. Don’t be shy. My awesomeness is… — Tijan Copy Share Image
“Liza considering back-peddling but thought about her empty bank account. “That’ll be fine, sir. I don’t wear skirts anyway.” He hmphed as… — Gwenn Wright Copy Share Image
Death is not evil, for it frees man from all ills and takes away his desires along with desire's rewards. Old age… — Giacomo Leopardi Copy Share Image
Regardless of what I do, whether I write a book or whether I act or whether I host, I'll always do stand-up… — Howie Mandel Copy Share Image
All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
