Jim Norton

I hate my hair so much.

— Jim Norton

I like being single.

— Jim Norton

I'm always tired.

— Jim Norton

I am a really bad boyfriend.

— Jim Norton

My job is to be funny.

— Jim Norton

I get bored really fast.

— Jim Norton

I'm very careful with my money.

— Jim Norton

I hate a well-lit room.

— Jim Norton

I am a degenerate, and I know that.

— Jim Norton

I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.

— Jim Norton

I'm a much nicer guy than people think I'm going to be.

— Jim Norton

I hope you accidentally drink leukemia at a picnic.

— Jim Norton

Obviously I'm 100-percent for freedom of expression.

— Jim Norton

I don't care if I offend people. I really don't care.

— Jim Norton

You look like a diabetic strip club owner.

— Jim Norton

There are just some things that I don't think jokes are good for.

— Jim Norton

That's an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim?

— Jim Norton

People say that Americans trends are transient, but the one activity we never seem to tire of is being outraged. Boy, do…

— Jim Norton

You know, a comedian's comedian is just that - it's a guy who's original and funny and can make comics laugh.

— Jim Norton

I'd like to get my own TV show on, whether it's a talk show or a comedy, that I write.

— Jim Norton

Everyone has a reason why their particular sacred cow is the sacred cow to be honored.

— Jim Norton

I love everything about Boston. The women are phenomenal, they're all dirty. It's just a really great place to do comedy.

— Jim Norton

You really are a badass, edgy guy who tells it like it is...about couscous.

— Jim Norton

Trevor Noah is a great, relevant young comic, and Comedy Central is smart to stand by him.

— Jim Norton

I don't think any comedy is ever shocking. I don't buy that. That's just what people brand it, when someone is saying…

— Jim Norton

All major cities are the same. People have the same sensibilities and they get afraid of the same subjects, groaning at the…

— Jim Norton

I love doing the radio, and it's different every day. But stand-up is just you and the immediate reaction of the audience.…

— Jim Norton

The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The…

— Jim Norton

It's really hard to truly want people who you hate to have the right to say whatever they want. And we all…

— Jim Norton

I don't watch too much television because I want to write something, and you never want to be influenced by other things…

— Jim Norton

Lenny Bruce did clean TV. You have to be able to do that, I think, to succeed because if you want to…

— Jim Norton

When it comes to stand-up, people feel this need to voice their objection through groaning or being offended. It's really irritating... I…

— Jim Norton

The more disgruntled the white people are, the happier they are to see me, that has to be it. I do really…

— Jim Norton

It's really the old question: Does art inspire life or does life inspire art? Maybe it's a combination of both. But Trump…

— Jim Norton

Being a harsh, dirty comic, the last person on earth I ever expected to help my career was Jay Leno. I had…

— Jim Norton

If I'm gonna make fun of Trump, I'm gonna tell you things that I've done that are similar. I like to tell…

— Jim Norton

It just seems like right now we’re in a place where people are being witch-hunted for expressing an opinion. Even if it’s…

— Jim Norton

Regular people are the problem. It's not the government, it's not the invasive Big Brother, it's the fact that we're a nation…

— Jim Norton

What a shock that a guy who makes $2 million a week behaves exactly like I would with $2 million a week.…

— Jim Norton

I don't have jokes that I can't defend.

— Jim Norton