Realize that doing comedy is only going to make your depression worse. — Jim Norton Comedy Copy Share Image
I think people like to label everything. I just think it's comfortable. — Jim Norton Comfortable Copy Share Image
Americans have always been inconsistent and kind of fake with outrage, but we've just slipped totally upside-down. — Jim Norton Always Copy Share Image
I once had a therapist fall asleep on me. That really wrecks your self-esteem. — Jim Norton Esteem Copy Share Image
What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester? — Jim Norton Birth Copy Share Image
Google is not my friend. I've been way too open in my career. Google has killed any shot I have on the… — Jim Norton Career Copy Share Image
I know I'm funny, and I like to be in front of people, and the fact that I'm good at that. It's… — Jim Norton Comedy Copy Share Image
I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated. — Jim Norton Baby Copy Share Image
The image people have of comedians staring defiantly over a stationary line of good taste is simply inaccurate. We don't approach this… — Jim Norton Comedians Copy Share Image
My whole existence is spent just trying to not shove bad food in my fat face. It's like a constant struggle. I'll… — Jim Norton Bad food Copy Share Image
From now on, anyone raped at Penn State should just tell Joe Paterno's statue. It couldn't help you any less than the… — Jim Norton Helping Copy Share Image
I date but nothing really long term. I haven't had much luck. I probably haven't met the right woman. Most probably know… — Jim Norton Date Copy Share Image
And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with… — Jim Norton Aids Copy Share Image
They don't tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy… — Jim Norton Adults Copy Share Image
God, do I hate my little fat tits. You ever pinch your little meat tits and wish you were dead? You ever… — Jim Norton Failure Copy Share Image
People are just self-centered-it's all about them. And we're telling people it's okay to be 'all about you' because you're a victim… — Jim Norton Faults Copy Share Image
With 'Mouthful of Shame,' all of my fans or the majority of them said it's the best thing you've ever done and… — Jim Norton Best Copy Share Image
I wanted to do a talk show that reminded me of the old school ones I loved as a kid, without all… — Jim Norton Communication Copy Share Image
I've done 'Letterman' twice and he was friendly, he said hello as he was shaking your hand and in front of the… — Jim Norton Audience Copy Share Image
I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great.… — Jim Norton Ends Copy Share Image
I have exposed so much of my own real life. Like I feel like I always try to be honest and I… — Jim Norton Always Copy Share Image
Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You… — Jim Norton Agree Copy Share Image
I think what's happening is that women are allowed to be funnier as we stop pretending that there are subjects that they… — Jim Norton Allowed Copy Share Image
I know that I have a good career and I'm really busy, but there's always that part of my mind that's like,… — Jim Norton Alive Copy Share Image
I choose to believe that we are addicted to the rush of being offended, the idea of it, rather than believing we… — Jim Norton Abyss Copy Share Image
I got really lucky that at age 12, I knew I just wanted to be a dancing monkey in front of people… — Jim Norton Age Copy Share Image
It's surreal to be hanging out on Ozzy's patio with him talking politics. It's so funny when people doubt that he's with… — Jim Norton Doubt Copy Share Image
I don't really like Phil Robertson and I think his opinion about gay marriage is stupid. But in a country where we… — Jim Norton Communication Copy Share Image
The biggest killer to funny is hyper sensitivity to certain subject matter and Montreal is as guilty of that as L.A. or… — Jim Norton Comedy Copy Share Image
People are too worried a lot of times what other people in the audience are going to think about them, so they… — Jim Norton Audience Copy Share Image
A lot of times the mainstream public loves something, critics will hate it and then they'll think the public is stupid and… — Jim Norton Hate Copy Share Image
I appreciate that the New York Daily News will show dead bodies but blur the cover of a French parody magazine. Just… — Jim Norton Appreciate Copy Share Image
If somebody said about me, 'I don't think his jokes are good, I don't think he's a good comedian,' I don't like… — Jim Norton Comedian Copy Share Image
There are just some things that I don't think jokes are good for. — Jim Norton Comedy Copy Share Image
To me the important thing for a comic to be is emotionally honest. — Jim Norton Comic Copy Share Image
