I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I love Philly so much. I know that at any time, any place, a fight can break out. Those are great comedy… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
You know, a comedian's comedian is just that - it's a guy who's original and funny and can make comics laugh. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I'd like to get my own TV show on, whether it's a talk show or a comedy, that I write. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
That's an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim? — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I love everything about Boston. The women are phenomenal, they're all dirty. It's just a really great place to do comedy. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
They don't tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great.… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
The biggest killer to funny is hyper sensitivity to certain subject matter and Montreal is as guilty of that as L.A. or… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester? — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I don't think any comedy is ever shocking. I don't buy that. That's just what people brand it, when someone is saying… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
For me, a good comedy town is filled with people on the verge of a riot. They need something to relieve the… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
God, do I hate my little fat tits. You ever pinch your little meat tits and wish you were dead? You ever… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I wanted to do a talk show that reminded me of the old school ones I loved as a kid, without all the fake… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
It's surreal to be hanging out on Ozzy's patio with him talking politics. It's so funny when people doubt that he's with it because… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
If someone doesn't like a comedian that's fine; a lot of people probably don't like my standup, and that's fine. But I think that… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
With 'Mouthful of Shame,' all of my fans or the majority of them said it's the best thing you've ever done and that meant… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
What a shock that a guy who makes $2 million a week behaves exactly like I would with $2 million a week. As far… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
Comedians want honest discussion because it affects us. We make our living talking, so anything around language affects us greatly. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
You really are a badass, edgy guy who tells it like it is...about couscous. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
