Lewis Black

I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes…

— Lewis Black

If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that…

— Lewis Black

I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that…

— Lewis Black

“I don't know if you've noticed, but our two-party system is a bowl of shit looking at itself in the mirror.”

— Lewis Black

These ballot initiatives against same sex marriage remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they…

— Lewis Black

If you're going to pick a book and you want to base a system of government around it, why not 'Harry Potter?'

— Lewis Black

No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus, and my mother still thought I…

— Lewis Black

I'm always amazed when I hear people saying, "That George Bush, he's a great leader". And I wonder, where can one find…

— Lewis Black

I knew that I'd lived in New York too long when, a few years ago, I was on a subway going downtown,…

— Lewis Black

If you're seeing a psychiatrist, you're wasting money because all you've got to do is get on a plane, get on a…

— Lewis Black

Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap.

— Lewis Black

I'd like the campaigning to be about all the things they're not going to do. Just tell me what you're not going…

— Lewis Black

All food is comfort food. Maybe I just like to chew.

— Lewis Black

Johnny Vassilaros is the man who has created the finest cup of coffee ever served in the city of New York.

— Lewis Black

“At seven p.m., hope is sparked again when some new chirpy airline employee announces that a new plane without that nasty mechanical…

— Lewis Black

“Jerry Falwell said that the reason that September 11th happened, the reason that God allowed it to happen, was because of certain…

— Lewis Black

There's no reason to tweet when you are in the midst of a great moment; they are few and far between. So…

— Lewis Black

Pursue whatever it is that you want to do with your life. It is the only secret to happiness that I know…

— Lewis Black

What I've found in my career is that 70 to 75 percent of comics are nice and have some sense of social…

— Lewis Black

I never thought that Bill Clinton should be the president. When he was running to be the president of the United States,…

— Lewis Black

I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing. No health insurance, so if…

— Lewis Black

In Canada I'm not dealing with people who are bringing in baggage, they just get it. But New Orleans will be a…

— Lewis Black

North Korea is the country that the monkeys in the Wizard of Oz came from.

— Lewis Black

“Anybody who likes writing a book is an idiot. Because it's impossible, it's like having a homework assignment every stinking day until…

— Lewis Black

This is the thing I've never understood: If someone is going to hell for being gay or being a Jew or a…

— Lewis Black