If you want to get an audience quiet, just say "abortion" and everybody shuts up and the tension in the room is… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
When a country wants television more than they want clean water, they've lost their grip. — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I've always been a social network retard, even before there was a social network. People would say, "You want to go to… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
These ballot initiatives remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so long as… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
If you're going to pick a book and you want to base a system of government around it, why not 'Harry Potter?' — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
You want to know what it's like to be on a plane for 22 hours? Sit in a chair, squeeze your head… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
One of the most important things, especially when you're leaving school, is to realize you're going to be dealing with a lot… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
The thing that makes my generation The Greatest is our ability to hang out. We're spectacular at it. If you take somebody… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
What I've found in my career is that 70 to 75 percent of comics are nice and have some sense of social… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
Pursue whatever it is that you want to do with your life. It is the only secret to happiness that I know… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
It's a big thing now: A lot of people want to be assistants to celebrities. If you're pursuing that, you're an idiot.… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I don't care who wins because I go to sporting events to scream. It's the one place on the planet you can… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I'd like the campaigning to be about all the things they're not going to do. Just tell me what you're not going… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
[The Weather Channel] is the most watched cable channel in America. I'll repeat that. It is the most watched cable channel in… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
If you really think there's a Santa, why don't you sit on the front steps all night in the freezing cold and… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I do have certain feelings. My feeling is that whoever is in charge, I want him out. — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
You don't want another Enron? Here's your law: If a company, can't explain, in one sentence, what it does... it's illegal. — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
If you stop eating donutes you will live 3 years longer.It's just 3 more years that you want a donut. < . ) < . — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I went to New Zealand this year, and, whew man, I know a lot of people want to go there. But let… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that God has… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
“I don't know if you've noticed, but our two-party system is a bowl of shit looking at itself in the mirror.” — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
These ballot initiatives against same sex marriage remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
If you're going to pick a book and you want to base a system of government around it, why not 'Harry Potter?' — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus, and my mother still thought I was broke.… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I'm always amazed when I hear people saying, "That George Bush, he's a great leader". And I wonder, where can one find a drug… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I knew that I'd lived in New York too long when, a few years ago, I was on a subway going downtown, and it… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
If you're seeing a psychiatrist, you're wasting money because all you've got to do is get on a plane, get on a subway tomorrow… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap. — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I'd like the campaigning to be about all the things they're not going to do. Just tell me what you're not going do! Don't… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
![“[The Weather Channel] is the most watched cable channel in America. I'll repeat that. It is the most watched cable channel in America. They were worried about the terrorists immobilizing us, and a portion of our countrymen watch weather. 'Kay, you don't get any more immobile than that... unless…” quote by Lewis Black](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/356/lewis-black-1143_america_the-weather-channel-is-the-most-watched_2201685.jpg)
