Now, most of the time you couldn't be too sure of the quality of the drug. Although, in my experience the stuff… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I had to watch the Republican stuff which makes me feel even older than I am. By the time I get through… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
Basically I wake up in the morning and I think everything's going to be great. I'm really kind of optimistic, and I… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
The worst thing about Halloween is, of course, candy corn. It's unbelievable to me. Candy corn is the only candy in the… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I've got stuff about airline mergers, which just shows that my stand-up is getting more insane by the minute. — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
It's a privilege to pay taxes. Yeah! It's not a political question, folks. We have to pay for stuff. — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
Wow, you survived a blackout. You're made of stronger stuff than ice cream. — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not. So it's hard for me… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
When people come to my act any time after Thanksgiving, I usually say, You shouldn't be here. You should be shopping. Our… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
If you're going to vote for somebody because you think they have a great faith in God, you'd better be sure that God has… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
“I don't know if you've noticed, but our two-party system is a bowl of shit looking at itself in the mirror.” — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
These ballot initiatives against same sex marriage remind us that America is the land where people are free to dream whatever they want, so… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
If you're going to pick a book and you want to base a system of government around it, why not 'Harry Potter?' — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
No matter what, your parents are going to worry about you. I had a tour bus, and my mother still thought I was broke.… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I'm always amazed when I hear people saying, "That George Bush, he's a great leader". And I wonder, where can one find a drug… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I knew that I'd lived in New York too long when, a few years ago, I was on a subway going downtown, and it… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
If you're seeing a psychiatrist, you're wasting money because all you've got to do is get on a plane, get on a subway tomorrow… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
Well first of all, I'd just like to say that 2005 was a great year, if you like swimming through crap. — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I'd like the campaigning to be about all the things they're not going to do. Just tell me what you're not going do! Don't… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
