Norm MacDonald

In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand…

— Norm MacDonald

Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.

— Norm MacDonald

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

— Norm MacDonald

I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he's just, he's talking about…

— Norm MacDonald

Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.

— Norm MacDonald

In theatres, you're kind of disconnected. Also, it's way too big for the likes of me. Unless you're Robin Williams or someone…

— Norm MacDonald

After months of speculation, the sitcom star Ellen DeGeneres admitted that yes, she's gay. Inspired by her courage, today, diet-guru Richard Simmons…

— Norm MacDonald

So much in L.A. is waiting. It's so irritating. That's what's good about stand-up. You can go away, and you don't have…

— Norm MacDonald

You ever hear guys with small cocks talk about sex? Can't talk about it enough. They even got poems. They'll say, 'It's…

— Norm MacDonald

My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.

— Norm MacDonald

Louis [C.K.] is great. But I don't know how many you could do.

— Norm MacDonald

I don't have any ego about it, but I find there's not a great work ethic in show business. A lot of…

— Norm MacDonald

Many people are skeptical about marriage of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Pressley. They say, Lisa Marie is more of a sit…

— Norm MacDonald

Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my…

— Norm MacDonald

The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.

— Norm MacDonald

I was in my peak physical condition when I was about like, uh... one. Oh God, I looked good, young and fresh!…

— Norm MacDonald

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

— Norm MacDonald

We are often less grieved at disappointments than at ourselves for having said much concerning the certainty of our expectations.

— Norm MacDonald

I'm not gay, so I don't know much about Broadway musicals.

— Norm MacDonald

I never do impressions, but I probably should. People like that stuff.

— Norm MacDonald

It is easier to hate those we love, than love those whom we have hated.

— Norm MacDonald

Generally I don't like traveling around saying the exact same thing. I don't think that's a very good thing to do with…

— Norm MacDonald

Many frequently change their principles, but seldom their practices.

— Norm MacDonald

If it wasn't so pointless and ridiculous, it would be more humiliating. Also, if there [Hollywood] weren't so many people as bad…

— Norm MacDonald

There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.

— Norm MacDonald