Funny Quotes by Norm MacDonald

In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers…

— Norm MacDonald

Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue.

— Norm MacDonald

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

— Norm MacDonald

I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he's just, he's talking about serious things,…

— Norm MacDonald

Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.

— Norm MacDonald

In theatres, you're kind of disconnected. Also, it's way too big for the likes of me. Unless you're Robin Williams or someone that can…

— Norm MacDonald

After months of speculation, the sitcom star Ellen DeGeneres admitted that yes, she's gay. Inspired by her courage, today, diet-guru Richard Simmons admitted that…

— Norm MacDonald

So much in L.A. is waiting. It's so irritating. That's what's good about stand-up. You can go away, and you don't have to sit…

— Norm MacDonald

You ever hear guys with small cocks talk about sex? Can't talk about it enough. They even got poems. They'll say, 'It's not the…

— Norm MacDonald

My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died.

— Norm MacDonald

Louis [C.K.] is great. But I don't know how many you could do.

— Norm MacDonald

I don't have any ego about it, but I find there's not a great work ethic in show business. A lot of people are…

— Norm MacDonald

Many people are skeptical about marriage of Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Pressley. They say, Lisa Marie is more of a sit at home…

— Norm MacDonald

Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert…

— Norm MacDonald

The man that does not fear punishment, little regards crime.

— Norm MacDonald