I was in my peak physical condition when I was about like, uh... one. Oh God, I looked good, young and fresh!… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
If it wasn't so pointless and ridiculous, it would be more humiliating. Also, if there [Hollywood] weren't so many people as bad… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
If you watch that show and you didn't know it was called Seinfeld, you'd think it was called 'The George Costanza Show'. — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
A great cause of evil in the world is that men seldom think themselves criminal if they offer the same injustice to… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
I want you to buy this pit bull. This will protect your valuables.' I don't own anything very valuable. If I buy… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
Though we may not desire to detect fraud, we must not, on that account, endeavor to be insensible of it, for, as… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
I tried to make the punchline as close to the setup as I could. And I thought that was the perfect thing.… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
This would have been a great game to watch if we didn't have any money on it. — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
It's tough to know who's better in cliff diving. Like, you see a guy diving off a cliff and you go, Oh,… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
If you're looking for the suspect in a suicide bombing, here's a clue: Look for the dead guy. — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
Chastity is oftener owing to diffidence and shame, than to fortitude of reason or virtue. — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle. — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he's just, he's talking about serious things,… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
In theatres, you're kind of disconnected. Also, it's way too big for the likes of me. Unless you're Robin Williams or someone that can… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
After months of speculation, the sitcom star Ellen DeGeneres admitted that yes, she's gay. Inspired by her courage, today, diet-guru Richard Simmons admitted that… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
So much in L.A. is waiting. It's so irritating. That's what's good about stand-up. You can go away, and you don't have to sit… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
You ever hear guys with small cocks talk about sex? Can't talk about it enough. They even got poems. They'll say, 'It's not the… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
My dad died, and my grandfather died, and my great-grandfather died. And the guy before him, I don't know. Probably died. — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
I don't have any ego about it, but I find there's not a great work ethic in show business. A lot of people are… — Norm MacDonald Copy Share Image
![“Louis [C.K.] is great. But I don't know how many…” quote by Norm MacDonald](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/b78/norm-macdonald-1825_know-how_louis-c-k-is-great-but-i-don-t-know-how_138817.jpg)
