George Burns

Everyday happiness means getting up in the morning, and you can't wait to finish your breakfast. You can't wait to do your…

— George Burns

Being an actor is easy, just picture someone in a room and you outside waiting for your cue to go in. Elliot…

— George Burns

Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!

— George Burns

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.

— George Burns

At my age flowers scare me.

— George Burns

I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.

— George Burns

What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear…

— George Burns

If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.

— George Burns

I find you have to take each day as it comes and be thankful for who's left and whatever you can still…

— George Burns

Take care not to wear stripes that are out of sync with your wrinkles.

— George Burns

By [age] 93, I had shrunk quite a lot. My car was known as the Phantom Cadillac. People would see it whizzing…

— George Burns

I drink coffee with my right hand, and I smoke with my left. But I talk with both hands.

— George Burns

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

— George Burns

Be sure to wear a good cologne, a nice aftershave lotion, and a strong underarm deodorant. And it might be a good…

— George Burns

My best advice: Fall in love with what you do for a living.

— George Burns

The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.

— George Burns

From Paris we took the Orient Express to Vienna. I must say I was terribly disappointed; nobody was murdered on the train.

— George Burns

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

— George Burns

I get a standing ovation just standing

— George Burns

I should have been a country-western singer. After all, I'm older than most western countries.

— George Burns

I smoke cigars because at my age if I don't have something to hang on to I might fall down.

— George Burns

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down…

— George Burns

Life's but a day at most.

— George Burns

Fall in love with what you're going to do for a living. To be able to get out of bed and do…

— George Burns

I'd say that about 82 percent of what I write is bad, but don't go by me; I'm as bad a judge…

— George Burns