I was in China for 3 months, doing a tour and I was teaming with CJ Banks. We needed a name and… — Pete Dunne Copy Share Image
All the stereotypical ‘dude’ geeky things I like are socially acceptable, and all the stereotypical ‘lady’ geeky things I like are frowned… — Amanda Hocking Copy Share Image
Why do single girls take advice from other single girls? That's like ray charles giving stevie wonder driving directions. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There will always be people out there that will bitch behind your back & judge you and your life. For some people… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When I Die... I want to Die Like My Grandmother... Who Died Peacefully in her Sleep... Not Screaming like all the passengers… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You see a lot of comedic content that's not funny, and you can tell that it's supposed to be funny, but it's… — Jonathan Krisel Copy Share Image
There can be moments onstage - but sometimes in a movie, too - where you just feel you're in a golden space.… — Matthew Broderick Copy Share Image
To handle that stardom, the red carpets, the photo shoots, people all of a sudden recognizing you and following you in everyday… — Roger Federer Copy Share Image
“. . . you worked for Harry King, they said, because a broken leg was bad for business, and Harry King was all about business.” — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
“Make me breakfast in the morning?" "So long as you don't leave my sight until then." He grinned. I laughed. Sure, I… — Veronica Blade Copy Share Image
“Farmers don't nap," he said. "Knights nap." "That's where we get the expression 'a good knight's sleep,'" Will said, smiling at his… — John Flanagan Copy Share Image
People should just mind their own business, probably the funniest thing I've ever read on a social networking site. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Baby,boy A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.… — Jeffrey Sarpong Copy Share Image
I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
It's funny how you go through the year day by day but nothing changes, then when you look back, everything's different. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
“Does the giraffe know what he's for? Or care? Or even think about his place in things? A giraffe has a black… — Robert Fulghum Copy Share Image
Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told… — Adam Ferrara Copy Share Image
I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up,… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
No headphones = Talk to me. One headphone = You can talk to me but only if I like you. Two headphones = SHUT UP. — Arjun Loveable Copy Share Image
“Sol? As much as I appreciate you making me this lovely womanly blanket…you think we could try lying like normal people who… — Charlotte Stein Copy Share Image
“She made an impatient noise. "By the Angel, you don't know anything about your kid, do you? Do you even really know… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
“I look around, hoping I can postpone the indignity of stuttering like a lunatic in front of the sexiest man alive –… — D.L. Hess Copy Share Image
I've seen many female comics that a lot of people haven't heard of who are so funny, and I saw them come… — Ali Wong Copy Share Image
Situated in some nebulous distance I do what I do so that the universal balance of which I am a part may… — Antonio Porchia Copy Share Image
You can win any argument if you just keep replying with so? to everything they say until they have an existential crisis.!!! — Tufail Mehraj Copy Share Image
We're professional worriers. You're constantly imagining things that could go wrong and then writing about them. — John Green Copy Share Image
On why he no longer went to Ruggeri's, a St. Louis restaurant: "Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded." — Yogi Berra Copy Share Image
It was quite a macho world I grew up in, but it was always cheeky and funny, and the women were the… — Lynne Ramsay Copy Share Image
“you think you've never been wrong before?"-alex "sure i have why just last week I bought bobbi brown sandwash petal lip gloss… — Simone Elkeles Copy Share Image
I rarely sit down to write something. I usually have an experience and relate it to somebody and go, 'There I connected… — Greg Behrendt Copy Share Image
I started writing 'Southern Baptist Sissies' right after I had written the screenplay for 'Sordid Lives', so that's when I started on… — Del Shores Copy Share Image
It's funny that when people reach a certain age, such as after graduating college, they assume it's time to go out and… — Steve Pavlina Copy Share Image
I was watching MTV and there were girls dancing in suspended cages. That would be an ambivalent situation: "I'm trapped! ...but enjoying… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
I'm not the type of guy who's funny in the room. I'm the guy who's funny late at night on a computer,… — Scott Aukerman Copy Share Image
I try to shy away from playing cranky people, but if it's just a funny next-door neighbor or business man, I'll say,… — Fred Willard Copy Share Image
I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and… — Adam Carolla Copy Share Image
Richard Pryor introduced me to the world of the inner city, and the urban world, and did it hysterically. My favorite comedian,… — Bob Newhart Copy Share Image
I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each others hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wonder if Jersey Shore is making Italian-Americans long for the days of only being stereotyped as members of murderous crime syndicates. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's funny because I think that genre literature can be looked down on by literature literature. And I like that! I like… — Don Winslow Copy Share Image
