Bob Hope

I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.

— Bob Hope

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.

— Bob Hope

Having so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf…

— Bob Hope

Timing is the essence of life, and definitely of comedy.

— Bob Hope

That's life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.

— Bob Hope

Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.

— Bob Hope

She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn't understand us at all.

— Bob Hope

My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I…

— Bob Hope

I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

— Bob Hope

In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you. In Hollywood the weatherman gets a shooting schedule from…

— Bob Hope

Tokyo cab drivers are all ex-kamikaze pilots.

— Bob Hope

Go figure a crazy, mixed-up country where ballet outsells boxing. I wouldn't be surprised if their wrestling was on the level.

— Bob Hope

Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often…

— Bob Hope

I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the…

— Bob Hope

You could buy my book in a paperback edition for a dollar, and in hard covers for $3.50. And for fifty cents…

— Bob Hope

Milton Hope led the singing of Happy Birthday ... He would say, 'Keep it sweet and short and don't try to be…

— Bob Hope

Television. That's where movies go when they die.

— Bob Hope

Congress may be going home for the holidays soon. How can you beat a Christmas gift like that?

— Bob Hope

I don't know what people have against government; they haven't done anything.

— Bob Hope

“Over the years, I have been subjected to many indignities, all for the sake of Art. If I ever catch him, I'm…

— Bob Hope

I tell jokes to pay my green fees.

— Bob Hope

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

— Bob Hope

We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.

— Bob Hope

I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them.

— Bob Hope

I see the Beatles have arrived from England. They were 40 pounds overweight - and that was just their hair.

— Bob Hope