The last time I played golf with President Ford he hit a birdie. And an eagle, a moose, an elk, an aardvark... — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
Perfume acts as an anesthetic. By the time she floats a little your way, you'll promise her anything. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
“When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things - not the great occasions - give off the greatest… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
In his prime, the young comic walked onto a stage with the confidence of a man who owned it, and by the… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
It was a typically British birth... I was three at the time. They had a strike in the maternity ward... I came… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
I've been playing golf a long time, although it's not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
I just hope I don't have to explain all the times I've used His name in vain when I get up there. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
The only time to believe any kind of rating is when it shows you at the top. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
The firm is really ahead of the times. It has a stock market ticker that prints its report on thin aspirins. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
I can't understand what's holding up our missile program. It's the first time the government ever had trouble making the taxpayers' money… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
Jimmy Stewart could have been a good golfer, but he speaks so slowly that by the time he yells 'Fore!' the guy… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
Having so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf courses at… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn't understand us at all. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
In England when you make a movie even the weather is against you. In Hollywood the weatherman gets a shooting schedule from all the… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
Go figure a crazy, mixed-up country where ballet outsells boxing. I wouldn't be surprised if their wrestling was on the level. — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
