Funny Quotes · Page 944

There are many things that are perfectly legitimate, but if you are going to concentrate on God you cannot do them.

— Oswald Chambers

I have nothing to prove, because I am already approved.

— Steven Furtick

It's funny, because I had no intention of being in a band because I was so shy. But I loved playing music…

— John Gourley

Save water. Shower with me.

— Anonymous

All people have a photographic memory, some just don't have the film. I do, but it never develops quite right.

— Anonymous

There are truths which can kill a nation.

— Jean Giraudoux

I just want to be myself and be real and be funny.

— Bebe Rexha

God is that, the greater than which cannot be conceived.

— Anselm of Canterbury

Anytime you’re on the podium, it’s good.

— Lindsey Vonn

I can't love you as you have been or will be. I can only love you as you are.

— Byron Katie

“You need anything we're only an hour away, give or take, honey. You call. We'll help you hide the body.”

— Sean Michael

We can do only what we think we can do. We can be only what we think we can be. We can…

— Robert Collier

S T U P I D = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand.

— Anonymous

I'm totally comfortable not being as funny as Larry David.

— Jeff Garlin

“Come here, cat. You wouldn’t want to destroy the space-time continuum, would you? Meow. Meow.”

— Connie Willis

Some things just strike me as funny. The way things play out just makes me laugh sometimes. It drives my wife crazy…

— W. Kamau Bell

I hate to travel. I guess it's because my father used to beat me with a globe.

— Nikhil Saluja

People tend to sit where there are places to sit

— William H. Whyte

Are you trying to be funny?

— Anonymous

I can pray better when I'm comfortable,

— Katherine Anne Porter

If a student takes the whole series of my folklore courses including the graduate seminars, he or she should learn something about…

— Alan Dundes

I'm an optimist, but I'm an optimist who takes his raincoat.

— Harold Wilson

Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed.

— Anonymous

I don't say things to be offensive; I say things because they're funny to me. It amuses me.

— Marilyn Manson

Yesterday I was lying, today I am telling the truth.

— Bob Arum

i like james patterson

— James Patterson

I act like I don't care but deep inside...I really don't care

— Ritu Ghatourey

If the last page of your notebook is blank, you surely lack of creativity.

— Punkinhead Abhishek

There are some extremely acceptable male comedians out there: Joel Osteen, Abraham Lincoln, the man who played Phil Spector in HBO's 'Phil…

— Ellie Kemper

We're all homos. Homo sapiens.

— Michael Scott

Live fully each day to the full . . .

— Robert Thurman

To have a better life we must keep choosing how we are living.

— Albert Einstein

The 'Billionaire' song is what my kids tease me with. They sing it to me. It's funny.

— Bill Gates

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out…

— WCFields

We have the truth and we need not be afraid to say so.

— J. C. Ryle

There's no 'we' in beer get the fuck away from me

— Nikhil Saluja

I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

— Groucho Marx

Never think of failure, for what we think will come about.

— Maharishi Mahesh Yogi

If you think you are too powerfull, try sleeping with a mosquito..!

— Anonymous

I dont cut in front of people whenever Im waiting in long line, thats rude. I just start dancing & grinding on…

— Anonymous