“You’re not mending anything, remember, Sand? The hedge.” He paused and shook his head at himself. “And Perrotte’s away for a few… — Merrie Haskell Copy Share Image
“He’d never been shy, but he’d always been a little uncertain around girls. He just couldn’t believe they liked him.” — Robyn Carr Copy Share Image
A job interview is like a first date. You dress up, pretend to be someone else and spend the time wondering if… — Azgraybebly Joslan Copy Share Image
I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without… — Adam Ferrara Copy Share Image
I had a strong vision for 'The Best Man Holiday,' so I was able to translate that to the actors and ultimately… — Malcolm D. Lee Copy Share Image
“Thank you,” she says and yanks the pull-tab off the soda can. She takes a big sip and aaahs. Then she takes… — Caprice Crane Copy Share Image
Early on, I had a girlfriend come see me, and she was like, 'Yeah, it was good, but you were funny at… — Ari Shaffir Copy Share Image
It's funny, because '1600 Penn' was the first time I really started to read the reviews, because I am an executive producer… — Josh Gad Copy Share Image
Sex is a sensation caused by temptation, when a man puts his location in a woman's destination, did you understand the explanation… — Azgraybebly Josland Copy Share Image
LOVE, A word used to label the sexual excitement of the young, the habituation of the middle aged, and the mutual dependence… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“She got icing all over her face. I think that's why I like her. For the good stuff, she's willing to get… — Laura Ruby Copy Share Image
“A very ladylike bosom,” she said, approvingly. “There’s nothing there,” I complained. The clerk grinned. “I have been fitting bras for twenty-five… — Marta Acosta Copy Share Image
Instead of hitting the garage door button, I hit the overhead light...then sat there and waited for the door to go down.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't think I'm an intentional liar, but I'm a little bit of an exaggerator sometimes. If I'm exaggerating, and the journalist… — Autre Ne Veut Copy Share Image
As with anything that involves emotional pain, comedy isn't too far behind. There's that element of no matter how painful something is… — Ben Miller Copy Share Image
*Calling someone I don't want to answer* *Please go to voice mail. Please go to voice mail. Please go to voice mail..*… — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
It's so funny how my name has always been such a big deal. When I was growing up, my family was always… — Calista Flockhart Copy Share Image
“Don’t put your wand there, boy!” roared Moody. “What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!” “Who… — J.K. Rowling Copy Share Image
“He’s not that smart.” “She’s right,” Augustus says. “It’s just that most really good-looking people are stupid, so I exceed expectations.” “Right,… — John Green Copy Share Image
So I phoned up the spiritual leader of tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck, turns out I… — Milton Jones Copy Share Image
Most people tell me that what they are surprised about the most is that I sing really well, I always find it… — Jinkx Monsoon Copy Share Image
My Mom always tells me to write A brief thank you note that's polite. To avoid her tongue-lash Thanks a bunch for… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I saw a door that said exit only. So I entered through it and went up to the guy working there and… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
When somebody left you, people might say that, theres plenty of fishes in the sea but theres also sharks, seaweed and toxic… — Reymon Iglesia Copy Share Image
Watching a gorgeous vampire and buff werewolf battle for a girl's love is the perfect distraction from my inability to meet a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Underwater, bubbles erupted before my eyes as a swift hand snatched my arm and pulled me to the surface. I gasped for… — Laura Kreitzer Copy Share Image
Summer is the season when a man thinks he can cook better on an outdoor grill than his wife can on an… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The audience is so important. Because there's something that I might think is super funny, but if it's just not getting the… — Ali Wong Copy Share Image
“Our family was nearly torn apart on several occasions by arguments started when the refrigerator door was open for what my father… — Weston Locher Copy Share Image
It's so funny, you go to acting school thinking you're going to learn how to be other people, but really it taught… — Lupita Nyong'o Copy Share Image
No one but John Oliver is going to be able to figure out the code of making a 20-minute monologue on futures,… — Moshe Kasher Copy Share Image
It's funny - sometimes when you approach people they get freaked out but occasionally you'll find a gem who's unselfconscious in front… — Lynne Ramsay Copy Share Image
“I had heard of Virginia before only in passing, a "crazy ex" with whom things had not ended well. I was accustomed… — Alana Massey Copy Share Image
A girl who is really pretty - whether she wraps herself in an abayah, a nun's habit, or the front hall rug… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“How do you want me to give you that warning?” he added, grinning. Sweat rolled down his chiselled back and he wagged… — Adele Rose Copy Share Image
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“Have I come at a bad time?" she managed to say without guffawing. I believe I said something on the order of… — Jeffrey Cohen Copy Share Image
West Germans are tall, pink, pert and orthodontically corrected, with hands, teeth and hair as clean as their clothes and clothes as… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
A real man knows how to comfort his woman in good or bad situations. He's one of the reasons why she's always… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Before someone gets their drivers liscence they should have to beat Rainbow Road on Mario Kart without falling off. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
