Niggas be wanting a girl who plays video games, watch sports & wear jordan's. Sounds like you want a boyfriend bro ahah...;) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“We really need to find a cure for stupidity, and fast! I've heard it's contagious...No wonder why there's so many of them.” — Analiza Micheal Copy Share Image
I'm showbiz-fat. It's so funny, in all the reviews that I read, no one wants to use the word 'fat' as an… — Marissa Jaret Winokur Copy Share Image
Life is a funny thing, the minute you think you've got everything figured out something comes along and turns it all upside… — Zayn Malik Copy Share Image
“First people lose their hair, then their vices, then their motivation. Then a toupee brings it all flowing back.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual. — Terry Pratchett Copy Share Image
So, Ladies. I want a logical explanation on why ya'll love these dreaded, tatted ,thugs , who have no future. Explain this… — Christian Heggs Copy Share Image
Each generation has been an education for us in different ways. The first child-with-bloody-nose was rushed to the emergency room. The fifth… — Art Linkletter Copy Share Image
I'm sorry I didn't get you a box of chocolates for Valentine's Day, but if you want something sweet I'm right here. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The Iraqi troops and the Iraqi fighters are in control of all the places, as we have witnessed, no big change in… — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
Probably spending 12 years at boarding school - comedy became a survival gene. But I think some people are funny right off… — Eric Idle Copy Share Image
It's funny because my mom is not a singer at all, nor is my father. But I definitely get more of my… — Nadia Ali Copy Share Image
I said to my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' She said, 'I want to go somewhere I've… — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
The history of those who shed those other tears, the history of those anonymous millions, is what Terkel wants readers and listeners… — Studs Terkel Copy Share Image
“You’re sure you didn’t leave? Didn’t try to explore Thunder Bay again, maybe go down to the park and, I don’t know,… — Kendare Blake Copy Share Image
I should make my name on Facebook so when I see something stupid somebody posted and like it and when they check… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I believe the term "blog" means more than an online journal. I believe a blog is a conversation. People go to blogs… — Michael Arrington Copy Share Image
1st Valentine's Day: 200,000 BC men and women congregate on opposite sides of Pangaea, waiting for someone to make the first move. — Kristen Schaal Copy Share Image
I'm not at all funny. I can do dark comedy pretty well, but straight-up comedy, I don't know. I'm much darker. I've… — Rooney Mara Copy Share Image
“I said, I ain't buyin' no chocolate covered cherries." "Oh, come on. You know you want to." D shook his head like… — Jane Seville Copy Share Image
Everybody thinks I'm so serious and the dark side is very accessible to me, so of course it's a challenge to do… — Stellan Skarsgard Copy Share Image
There are artists with palettes and easels selling the kind of modern art that Soviet art critics used to critique with bulldozers.… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
“The first time I heard you laugh, I only wanted to say funny things so you would always be laughing. You know… — Kamand Kojouri Copy Share Image
I tried the Scarsdale diet and the Stillman water diet (you remember that one, where you run weight off trying to get… — Dolly Parton Copy Share Image
I could have played Dot as a very dreary woman with a list of illnesses, but I played her with an edge,… — June Brown Copy Share Image
It's funny. I did give birth to an alien on 'The X-Files.' And it's just the teaser, so I'm dead before we… — Megan Follows Copy Share Image
DUDE I just poured my friggin heart out to you & you reply ohlol. I hope you get hit by a bus!… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're… — Wanda Sykes Copy Share Image
If you ask me, I'd like to become the first female president. That would be really cool. The first thing I would… — Jennifer Lopez Copy Share Image
Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a… — Bill Bailey Copy Share Image
If God dwells inside of us like people say, I sure hope he's in themodd for Enchiladas, because that's what he's getting — Toni Watson Copy Share Image
I had this dream and I really wanted to be a star. I was almost a monster in the way that I… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Funny, isn't it? The airlines go to all that trouble to keep you from taking a gun on board, then they just… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Mr.Blank's reputation as a card shark had preceded him. No one accused him of being dishonest, but on the other hand no… — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
“I’d never heard of a rain check before, but hoped it was something storm rescuers bought bags of souvenirs for their kids… — Amber McRee Turner Copy Share Image
I see no difference between my pictures that people consider amusing and the rest. To me, it's all serious work - they're… — Elliott Erwitt Copy Share Image
“Rose's work of art took her all day, including two playtimes, story time, and most of lunch. At the end of school… — Hilary McKay Copy Share Image
Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u and your parents. — A Josland Copy Share Image
I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
Mousse was a Labrador retriever, which is a large enthusiastic bulletproof species of dog made entirely from synthetic materials. This is the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
