Andy Rooney

I like Valentine's Day. The trouble is the florists and the candy-makers and the card people are all advertising so much, you…

— Andy Rooney

Almost all of us have an elevator or two in our lives somewhere. We wait for them, we ride on them. We're…

— Andy Rooney

Last night we had three small zucchini for dinner that were grown within fifty feet of our back door. I estimate they…

— Andy Rooney

Sooner or later the world will have to return to the good old days when we fought wars and killed people the…

— Andy Rooney

I've learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

— Andy Rooney

Unfortunately, propaganda works.

— Andy Rooney

You're almost always better off keeping your mouth shut, but don't let that stop you from popping off.

— Andy Rooney

The fastest thing computers do is go obsolete.

— Andy Rooney

Every one starts out being an atheist.

— Andy Rooney

If you don't enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends,…

— Andy Rooney

As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.

— Andy Rooney

I've learned... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

— Andy Rooney

... all of us talk faster than we listen.

— Andy Rooney

You can't be a good writer without being a good thinker.

— Andy Rooney

A great many people do not have the right to their own opinion because they don't know what they are talking about.

— Andy Rooney

Soap, like people, shouldn't smell like anything.

— Andy Rooney

It's ridiculous for a country to get all worked up about a game—except the Super Bowl, of course. Now that's important.

— Andy Rooney

The great virtue of being alone is that your mind can go its own way.

— Andy Rooney

Republicans ... are conservatives who think it would be best if we faced the fact that people are no damned good. They…

— Andy Rooney

I've learned... that just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.

— Andy Rooney

I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if…

— Andy Rooney

It would be a better world if everyone in it knew all the truth about everything.

— Andy Rooney

I'd like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off

— Andy Rooney

Computers may save time but they sure waste a lot of paper. About 98 percent of everything printed out by a computer…

— Andy Rooney

Did you ever hear one of those corny, positive messages on someone's answering machine? 'Hi, it's a great day and I'm out…

— Andy Rooney