I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
I think a draft produces a better Army than the one we would have with all volunteers, because I think you get… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
One day about 10 years ago the door to my office opened and who walked in but Bill Gates.... Seemed like a… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]....We're trying to protect ourselves… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
I understand shipping - you have to expect to pay for the stamps or for the freight company - but what's this… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of lonliness. We need each other and we need to get… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper. — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
There are only a few safe targets left, just a few groups of people you can say anything negative about without getting… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some governmental stooge with a bad comb-over who wants… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it. — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don't want to know something, you go and ask him and he… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
I've learned that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved. — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
Most of us aren't that interested in getting rich- we just don't want to get poor. — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
I never understood retirement. What is the attraction of retirement? I go down there to Florida and look around and I said,… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
I like Valentine's Day. The trouble is the florists and the candy-makers and the card people are all advertising so much, you don't dare… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
Almost all of us have an elevator or two in our lives somewhere. We wait for them, we ride on them. We're annoyed by… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
Last night we had three small zucchini for dinner that were grown within fifty feet of our back door. I estimate they cost somewhere… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
Sooner or later the world will have to return to the good old days when we fought wars and killed people the old-fashioned way,… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
I've learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
You're almost always better off keeping your mouth shut, but don't let that stop you from popping off. — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
If you don't enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the… — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book. — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
I've learned... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular. — Andy Rooney Copy Share Image
