The sight of a womans cleavage reduces a mans ability to think clearly by 50%…per boob. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Men are like...Placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so… — Minnie Pearl Copy Share Image
Twitter's a lot of work! That's the first thing I would say. There's so much pressure to be funny. — Ari Graynor Copy Share Image
They could have been removed. They could have been hidden. They could have been destroyed. — Tony Blair Copy Share Image
When I wrote for Eazy, I wrote for the character. Everybody knew Eazy loved girls, so I would make him funny, even… — The D.O.C Copy Share Image
Chinese: Me not come to work, me sick. Boss: When I'm sick I have sex with my wife, try it. Later Chinese… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job… — Bill Hicks Copy Share Image
Adam asked God why did you made Eve so beautiful? God replied that you will love her . Adam asked God why… — Thor Copy Share Image
“Even in the warm faelight of the foyer, the gown glittered and gleamed like a fresh-cut jewel. We had taken my gown… — Sarah J. Maas Copy Share Image
I was not a big fan of the Attitude Era. Some of the things they did were very good and very funny… — Ted DiBiase Sr Copy Share Image
“A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes I wonder what my grandfather would think of what I do, he spent his whole life in the kebab business, was… — Milton Jones Copy Share Image
A girl never gets mad for no reason. It may be over something small and stupid but there is still a reason. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern. — Mickey Rooney Copy Share Image
If you truly have it, you never lose it; and if you lose it, you never truly had it. — R. C. Sproul Copy Share Image
“All I know is that when I whisper to dirt, my conversations are less than meaningful.” — Maggie Stiefvater Copy Share Image
When I write something down it doesn't look funny to me. It's about the environment, it's all in the moment. — John Bishop Copy Share Image
If someone says money is not everything, it means that he either has nothing or a lot of it. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
Men are like...Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The best feeling when u get out da shower & u can walk around ya spot nake — IG:catone_2_funny Copy Share Image
I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
When no one is watching: Like a boss. When everyone is looking: Utter dumbass fail — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You shouldn't go to college unless God has definitely called you to go. — Keith Green Copy Share Image
One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool — E. W. Howe Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night.. you were trying to give coordinates to an apple” — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
Beethoven can't really be great because his picture isn't on a bubble gum card. — Charles M. Schulz Copy Share Image
When you have inspired thought, you have to trust it and you have to act on it. — Jack Canfield Copy Share Image
Did you study for the test? .. Nerd: All week long. ... Normal People: I read the chapter. ... Me: What test?! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for girls and thirty-seven for men. — Aristotle Copy Share Image
There is no pme who became rich because he broke a holiday, no one became fat because he broke a fast. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Serena had to cross her legs: in moments of dire amusement her bladder tended to play tricks.” — A.P Copy Share Image
If you're reluctant to weep, you won't live a full and complete life. — Ray Bradbury Copy Share Image
