Love is an awesome feeling that makes you feel so good that you'll cheat on your wife. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Marriages may be made in heaven, but the maintainance charges have to be paid on earth... — Green Monk Copy Share Image
A woman in labor was screaming profanities at her husband. He calmly said, Dont blame me. I wanted to stick it in… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
When I was a kid I always imagined myself waking up to & sleeping to a social networking website. Dreams do come true. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
If alcohol is evil, then alcoholics are the people who constantly and selflessly fight the evil in this world. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
You've got to give it to people who wear crocs. Their dedication to dying alone is amazing. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Friendship is rainbow between 2 hearts. Sharing 7 colors: love, sadness, happiness, truth, faith, secret, & respect. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I can tell any girl's future by just touching and feeling her butts... . . . This divine knowledge is known as Ass-trology. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I thought I was going crazy. So I went to a therapist. After half an hour, he paid me to leave. I… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
For the third time this week, I saw my girlfriend with another man. To be fair, we've never met and she doesn't… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Dear circle, Do you ever wake up in the morning and realize your life is pointless? Sincerely, square. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
There aren't even enough stars in the sky, water drops in an ocean, or people in the world that could represent how… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Truth is my garden, Honesty is my beauty, Smile is my weapon against every difficulty. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Have patience with all things, but, first of all with yourself. And then murder the asshole, Retweeting your Twitter Crush. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
If you're a dude wearing a scarf, I'm just going to assume you're keeping your neck muscles warm to suck many dicks. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Ladies: guys wouldn't cheat if you did a little less nagging, and a little more gagging. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I had a wet dream about you last night. I dreamt you got hit by a bus and pissed myself laughing... — Green Monk Copy Share Image
If cough medicine isn't meant to be abused, it should come with a table spoon, not a glass for taking shots. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Everyone makes mistakes but only ur girlfriends, wife & boss have the gifted talent of finding, remembering and reminding it to you.. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
A woman can humiliate any man by simply saying . . Hold my purse. in Day & Is It In ? At Night — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Stop, look, listen Great advice not only for crossing the road, but also when you're mid-wink and suspect your wife is home. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Why do we spend so much money on clothes when the best moments of our life are spent without them? — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Be Careful With What You Say To A G!rl. One Rude Comment That You Think Is No Big Deal Can Ruin Her… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
A male inmate promised a female prison guard, If you help me escape, I'll marry you. This is an example of using… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I wish I could get excited about anything as much as girls get excited about cupcakes. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you went to kiss your GALFRND, and She burped right in your mouth… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
If a guy only wants you for your legs , thighs , or breasts , don't date him , give him directions to KFC . — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Hate when I get drunk at a bar and hot chicks waste the opportunity to take sexual advantage of me. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Beware of ego: Ego is a double edged sword the outer edge cuts your popularity; while the inner edge pierces your purity. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
What a mess! I can't believe I mixed up my Valentine cards. Now my girlfriend thinks I love her AND my wife… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Walter Plinge, the inventor of predictive text, has died. His funfair will be hello on sundial. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Was trying to count sheep to help me sleep but I don't think I'll be able to sleep anymore after being chased… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
My sincere apologies to those, I havent offended yet. Sorry you feel so left out, promise Ill get to you soon. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Don't be with someone, because it's easy. Be with someone, because you love them, even if it's difficult! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
This time of year is tough on many people. Help'em out by shouting SHUT UP as often as possible. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
No, officer I'm not drunk! The reason I'm walking like this is because I'm avoiding snipers. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I've read that women love to have whipped cream licked off their breasts, but since my girlfriend has silicone implants, I use… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
The girls we want are so hard to get, but the ones we don't want are so hard to get rid of. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
We all make mistakes. What makes me different is that I cry after every single one of them. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Dont wait for Mother or Fathers day to show your love and gratitude to your parents. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I wonder if you have unprotected phone sex if you can get hearing aids? — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Women fake headaches to get out of having sex with their man, and men fake not being married to have sex with a woman. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
I've been told by so many women that I'm a great listener. A majority of them, have big boobs. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Scientists have found that women share the same dna as prawns.. Their heads are full of shit but their pink bits taste amazing! — Green Monk Copy Share Image
When someone is mad and asks you Do I look stupid? Don't answer them just stare curiously at them — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Passion is a strong emotional desire of love and hate to humans or objects — Green Monk Copy Share Image
You may love a girl very deeply... But u CANNOT express it more deeper than... 5, 6 or 7 inches... — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Note To Females: You cant blame the entire male genre just because you were attracted to some assholes. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you can't understand what someone has said even though they have repeated it four times — Green Monk Copy Share Image
