“The ring was there to say they were a team, a reminder that they were in this together, almost like a private… — K.A. Mitchell Copy Share Image
“If I ever meet myself,' said Zaphod, 'I'll hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me.” — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
“Life is too short to give a fuck. Jump in the pool butt ass naked and do it up.” — Clover Donovan Copy Share Image
I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. — Brian Kiley Copy Share Image
“You don't find a masked man wielding a gun interesting? Tell me...what do you find interesting then-Matt Carter” — Natasha Larry Copy Share Image
“Were it that intelligence, skill, or quality were prime determinants of success, I might have an easier time of it.” — Forest F. White Copy Share Image
Don't get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so… — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
I come from a long ago era where men could be men and stereotypical humor didn't offend anybody. — Rush Limbaugh Copy Share Image
“Your basic-type jailhouse tatt is homemade with sewing needles from the jailhouse canteen and some blue ink from the cartridge of a… — David Foster Wallace Copy Share Image
“As the class went through the Greeks and the Romans and the Renaissance painters, (who were easy enough to remember if you’d… — K.A. Mitchell Copy Share Image
Sometimes I - with comedy, it's like someone liking you in high school. They either do, or they don't. And when they… — John Mulaney Copy Share Image
“He'd done his walls with paint from Holy Basil. God, I yearned for their colors. I hadn't been able to afford them… — Marian Keyes Copy Share Image
Seriousness is a sickness; your sense of humor makes you more human, more humble. The sense of humor - according to me… — Rajneesh Copy Share Image
Liberace was certainly master and commander of the ivories ~ he is the only pianist I can watch or listen to without… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because… — Garrison Keillor Copy Share Image
“I moved to the center of the room, my strappy sandals clacking on the marble floor. "I'm assuming this is where the… — Rachel Hawkins Copy Share Image
I love everything about Boston. The women are phenomenal, they're all dirty. It's just a really great place to do comedy. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
“So that’s why vampires are so pissed off all the time? Because their junk’s gone rusty?” — S.L.J. Shortt Copy Share Image
“It’s not the job of the child to make the parent happy. It’s the job of the parent to take care of… — Art Hochberg Copy Share Image
Long back, I did a television show 'Gharwali Uparwali,' and it was appreciated for its light-hearted humor. — Mukul Dev Copy Share Image
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter. — Yakov Smirnoff Copy Share Image
And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone! — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
I think because of the Internet I was able to study comedy from quite a young age and watch a lot of… — Bo Burnham Copy Share Image
“My intellect tells me "read between the lines.. No need to humor something that is what it is and is not what… — Phil Thersby Copy Share Image
“She was every inch the skeletal goddess that had been promised by the bones of her feet.” — Jefferson Smith Copy Share Image
Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
You didn't find comedy in 'Magadheera.' Any film high on emotions doesn't need such elements. — Ram Charan Copy Share Image
“PRECOGNITION, TELEPATHY, BULLSHIT! EAT MY DONG, YOU EXTRASENSORY TURKEY!” — Stephen King Copy Share Image
“You know how sometimes you see a really sexy baby? Wait that sounds fucked up.” — John Green Copy Share Image
I don't sell myself. I've never explained my comedy to people who don't get it. Never complain. Never explain. — Lisa Lampanelli Copy Share Image
Sit the comedy out, and that done, when the Play's at an end, let the Curtain fall down. — Thomas Flatman Copy Share Image
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“The lord giveth and most women piss it away. Perhaps this is why they lack the equipment to aim.” — paula wall Copy Share Image
If Rose's streak was still intact, with that single to left, the fans would be throwing babies out of the upper deck. — Jerry Coleman Copy Share Image
The three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
“On Wall Street, the lawyers play the same role as medics in war: They come in after the shooting is over to… — Michael Lewis Copy Share Image
“Oh, Anya! Let's have an intense spiritual relationship for no believable reason!” — Vera Brosgol Copy Share Image
A friend is like a good bra: close to your heart, hard to find, and supportive. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“My sex life is okay." "Yeah," Morelli said. "But sometimes it's fun to have a partner.” — Janet Evanovich Copy Share Image
