If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before. — Dov Davidoff Been hurt Copy Share Image
Water polo would be much more interesting if they hadn't gotten rid of the horses. — Dov Davidoff Horse Copy Share Image
Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach. — Dov Davidoff Beach Copy Share Image
Dating a white girl is like dating a black girl if she were really passive-agressive. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable. — Dov Davidoff Children Copy Share Image
Assassinating someone is another way of saying I care, just not in the way they'd want you to. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving… — Dov Davidoff Aging Copy Share Image
Headphone aren't big enough these days. Why not just throw a couple of stereo speakers in a full face motorcycle helmet. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
The next actor I meet that uses the term 'courageous' to describe another actor's performance is getting punched in the face. — Dov Davidoff Actor Copy Share Image
The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
If you spend a lot of time shopping for athletic clothes, you may want to consider spending less time thinking about high… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more… — Dov Davidoff Angry Copy Share Image
I don't know about you, but I like to fall in love on Mondays. This way if things go south right away… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
You forget how crazy people are in New York, all the people on the sidewalk. When you leave here, everyone's in their… — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you… — Dov Davidoff Comic Copy Share Image
What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't… — Dov Davidoff Addiction Copy Share Image
The worst part about people with bad personalities is they don't know it. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Misery loves company which is ironic because it rarely throws dinner parties. — Dov Davidoff Business Copy Share Image
Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be. — Dov Davidoff Gym Copy Share Image
Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier. — Dov Davidoff Comedy Copy Share Image
Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world. — Dov Davidoff Cheerleader Copy Share Image
I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Throwing up is natures way of saying you need to re-examine your idea of a good time. — Dov Davidoff Good time Copy Share Image
Nothing good about the sun if you're trying to watch television with out curtains. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to. — Dov Davidoff Horoscopes Copy Share Image
Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going. — Dov Davidoff Copy Share Image
Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them. — Dov Davidoff Age Copy Share Image
