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Humor Quotes by Rock Cowles

86 Humor quotes by Rock Cowles

All Humor quotes Rock Cowles’s page

I’ve never belonged to a group without at least one total jerk. Rock Cowles jokes about banning life, debt that screams, and zombies that smell like a bad day. He also pokes fun at how we own things, how we can’t tell the long end of a stick, and how intelligence doesn’t guarantee good behavior.

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Instant gratification isn't worth the wait.

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I prefer popcorn over cop porn.

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Never, ever, ever call a lady cop Fatboy.

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Is it Armageddon yet or did I miss it?

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If you don't keep your pants on, who will?

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Good things come to those who wait in ambush.

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Age is just a number... or three... or both.

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Do Mega-Churches have Mega-Pastors?

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You have a certain quality that is nearly irresistible. I think it's called Spank Appeal.

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Is it just my imagination or are there a lot of Psychotic people in here?

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Just because we are intelligent doesn't mean we have to act like it!

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When all else fails, go back to bed. Repeat as necessary.

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I think there is a conspiracy going on to prove that conspiracies exist!

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I antagonize people wherever I go. I think it's a mirth defect.

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A cunning linguist puts his money where his mouth is.

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I have a T-shirt that says, Plays Well With Self. It suits me (or at least the top half).

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Why is it easier for some people to believe their ancestors were a clump of mud and a cannibalized body part, than…

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Whenever I meet someone who doesn't seem to have much of a sense of humor I like to lighten things up by…

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If it shuffles like a zombie, stinks like a zombie, and moans like a zombie, make sure it isn't your mom, then…

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I now have a new reason for living. It is my life's goal to make my girlfriend laugh so hard that she…

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I could say I don't like dating, but its more like, I backed over this glass slipper with my car and somebody…

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Its not my job to shove enlightenment up people's asses, but some days I get stuck volunteering to do it.

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Why the hell would I try to get in your pants when it looks like you could barely get them past your…

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Inside every fat person is a thin person struggling to get out. Sometimes as many as two or three.

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Religion: A friend of a friend's brother's ex-girlfriend's dad's former classmate's boss's mother-in-law's co-worker's milkman's pen pal's, medicine man's babysitter's dog said...…

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What's the most interesting thing about me? Its a toss up between my frolicking, unconventional, and twisted mind and the way I…

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It wouldn't be nearly as much fun if everyone walked a mile in my shoes. There'd be like arms and legs, peckers…

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I have faith in the law of averages. Every day that I can remember, I awoke. I have little reason to believe…

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FSM knows I've poked enough bears with sticks and it seems the older I get, the shorter my stick and the quicker…

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If it wasn't for me, I wouldn't have anybody.

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Live wrong and posture.

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Don't swallow the blue suppository.

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If Life was fair, we'd all be dead.

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Do Atheists believe in Devils' Advocates?

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Is Dr. Atkins the Anti-Pasta?

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I tried Viagra once. All it did was make me taller.

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Just Because Im Arrogant Doesn't Mean That Im Not Better Than You!

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Airborne pack their own chutes no matter who they pray to.

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I know enough to know that I don't know what I don't know.

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If women were created from ribs then why do they taste like fish?

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More by Rock Cowles

A real education is not just eclectic, it defines it.

I've never belonged to any group that didn't have at least one member who wasn't a total dick.

No greater invention was ever devised for creating the delusion of productivity than the personal computer, except for religion.

Banning guns, drugs, alcohol, premarital sex, political incorrectness, and gay marriage hasn't worked. We should ban Life. So long as even one of us…

Money may talk, but Debt screams like a horde of syphilitic banshees!

If it shuffles like a zombie, stinks like a zombie, and moans like a zombie, make sure it isn't your mom, then shoot it…

The first part of preparedness is awareness. Without it, you are toast.

How come nobody ever talks about getting the long end of the stick? How can you even tell which end is which?

I am grateful for the friends in my life and the life in my friends.

Music is the timeline of my life. It reminds me of where I have been, who I was with, what I was doing, and…

Character matters most. It will outlast physical beauty, athleticism, intelligence, and since you can't take it with you, prosperity.

I have no more fear of death than I do of going to sleep. I have no psychotic, PMSing, invisible tyrant in the sky…

If you can't afford to give something away, you don't own it, it owns you. If you can't afford to sell it, its probably…

There is more evidence to support the possibility that there could be a crack smoking Velociraptor in a pink tutu playing the ukelele in…

I know the rules and have a clear conscience. I'm an atheist.