Humor Quotes by Terry Pratchett

“It's a certainty, but it just might work.”

— Terry Pratchett

“Tão ameaçadora quanto saldo negativo no banco”

— Terry Pratchett

“We all have our funny little ways. Except me, obviously.”

— Terry Pratchett

“Yep, it's gone myffic all right.”

— Terry Pratchett

“…magic has a habit of lying low, like a rake in the grass.”

— Terry Pratchett

“If you must know, he said 'my goodness me, a walking potato”

— Terry Pratchett

“Never trust a woman who gives funny names to means of transport.”

— Terry Pratchett

“... a metaphor ... is like lying but more decorative.”

— Terry Pratchett

“Just imagine how terrible it might have been if we’d been at all competent.”

— Terry Pratchett

“I WAS NOT EXPECTING A NAC MAC FEEGLE TODAY, said Death. OTHERWISE I WOULD HAVE WORN PROTECTIVE CLOTHING, HA HA.”

— Terry Pratchett

“Your wife is a big hippo! My face is melting! My face is meltinnnnggg!”

— Terry Pratchett

“Occasionally a few bubbles would eructate to the surface like the ghosts of beans on bath night.”

— Terry Pratchett

“It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.”

— Terry Pratchett

“DEAFNESS DOESN'T PREVENT COMPOSERS HEARING THE MUSIC. IT PREVENTS THEM HEARING THE DISTRACTIONS.”

— Terry Pratchett

“Luck is my middle name," said Rincewind, indistinctly. "Mind you, my first name is Bad.”

— Terry Pratchett

“Ahahahahaha! Ahahahaha! Aahahaha! BEWARE!!!!! Yrs Sincerely, The Opera Ghost”

— Terry Pratchett

Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some…

— Terry Pratchett

“They hadn't read as many stories as Malicia, and were rather more attached to the experience of real life, which is that…

— Terry Pratchett

“... darkness isn't the opposite of light, it is simply its absence, and what was radiating from the book was the light…

— Terry Pratchett

“But mysterious caves and tunnels always have luminous fungi, strangely bright crystals or at a pinch merely an eldritch glow in the…

— Terry Pratchett

“Yes, she'd made a mistake... but she wasn't going to be bullied. You couldn't let boys go around raining on your lava…

— Terry Pratchett

“As castles went, this one looked as though it could be taken by a small squad of not very efficient soldiers. For…

— Terry Pratchett

“I could use you—if you pass the tests, of course. There are three of them. You have passed the first." "What are…

— Terry Pratchett

“YOU ARE NOT AFRAID? 'Not yet. But, er...which way to the egress, please?' There was a pause. Then Death said, in a…

— Terry Pratchett

“So he said to young Sam: "if you lose your cow you should report this to the Watch under Demonic & Farmyard…

— Terry Pratchett

You can't map a sense of humor. Anyway, what is a fantasy map but a space beyond which There Be Dragons? On…

— Terry Pratchett

“Rob turned the rustling pages and grinned. 'Ach, she's writ here: "Oh, the dear Feegles ha' turned up again,"' he said. This…

— Terry Pratchett

“Victor eyed the glistening tubes in the tray around Dibbler's neck. They smelled appetizing. They always did. And then you bit into…

— Terry Pratchett

“She even tried the one which every romantic nerve in her body insisted should work, which consisted of theatrically giving up, sitting…

— Terry Pratchett

“Daft Wullie had raised a finger. 'Point o' order, Rob,' he said, 'but it was a wee bittie hurtful there for you…

— Terry Pratchett

“And then there was the young male walk. At least women swung only their hips. Young men swung everything, from the shoulders…

— Terry Pratchett

“Can you swim?" said Victor. One of the cavern's rotting pillars crashed down behind them. From the pit itself came a terrible…

— Terry Pratchett

“The fact is that camels are far more intelligent than dolphins. They are so much brighter that they soon realised that the…

— Terry Pratchett

“The boldest of the three (thieves) moved suddenly, grabbed Angua and pulled her upright. "We walk out of here unharmed or the…

— Terry Pratchett

“Cards and boards, [Johnny] thought. And the dead. That's not dark forces. Making a fuss about cards and heavy metal and going…

— Terry Pratchett

“He sighed and opened the black box and took out his rings and slipped them on. Another box held a set of…

— Terry Pratchett

“Someone very clever—certainly someone much cleverer than whoever had trained that imp—must have made the clock for the Partrician’s waiting room. It…

— Terry Pratchett

“(Plants on the disc, while including the categories known commonly as annuals, which were sown this year to come up later this…

— Terry Pratchett

“There is a lot of folklore about equestrian statues, especially the ones with riders on them. There is said to be a…

— Terry Pratchett

“The Necrotelicomnicon was written by a Klatchian necromancer known to the world as Achmed the Mad, although he preferred to be called…

— Terry Pratchett