Humor Quotes · Page 446

“It is not something we often find out; but most of the specially-gifted have a deep desire to be ordinary.”

— Janvier Chouteu-Chando

Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.

— Mort Sahl

“Winnie, don't you ever think you're selling yourself short?" "Nope. Never. I'm really good at picking quality dick.”

— Elizabeth Brown

There's something that's really fun about the challenge of making the mundane funny, too, I think.

— Jim Gaffigan

“Now there's a girl I don't want to mess with' — or at least, that's what I would think if I had…

— Nenia Campbell

The funniest thing about some people is that they have no sense of humor.

— Ashleigh Brilliant

“Don't be too funny, guys like funny but they don't want to marry a comedian, right? The guy is supposed to be…

— Lindsey Kelk

Comedy now is all about body shaming and delivering vulgar dialogues. There can't be another Manorama.

— Sowcar Janaki

“Standing up through the Citroen's open sunroof, my six-foot-three-inch, red-cheeked sister pointed a long, trembling finger at the perpetrator and with maximum…

— Julia Child

They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines." "Maybe that’s why…

— Bill Watterson

“a woman whom the course of years had turned sour and to whom the vows meant poverty of spirit, chastity of humour,…

— Donna Leon

“She reached down and picked a crab out of a bucket. As it came up it turned out that three more were…

— Terry Pratchett

I always wanted to do a comedy, but I wanted to pick the right one. But it came down to working with…

— Ryan Gosling

Animal rights is a serious subject, but I do my best to find humor where I can, and I have some great…

— Karen Dawn

“All I really, really want to do is find a very, very fine chocolate store that I can walk into and then…

— C. JoyBell C

“There is a point in every philosophy at which the "conviction" of the philosopher appears on the scene; or, to put it…

— Friedrich Nietzsche

Not a lot of people in comedy grew up together and have been friends for 25 years.

— Sal Vulcano

All those I admired as a young performer had a calmness to their comedy.

— Ronnie Corbett

The fact of the matter is, you can't do comedy unless someone is behaving badly. Otherwise, it's not a comedy.

— Keegan-Michael Key

“I, however did not like to run. Or, for that matter, engage in any kind of physical exertion.”

— John Green

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move.…

— Rodney Dangerfield

I saw a spider in my bathtub, so I got a piece of tissue and very carefully…burned the house down.

— Anonymous

A lot of people say that comedy doesn't travel well. I found it very accessible.

— Mark Addy

“Turns out that sometimes, faith and a sense of humor really can be all you need.”

— Amy Lane

“Can't we do anything about it?" - "No!" - "Then I can't see the sense in panicking", said Twoflower calmly”

— Terry Pratchett

There's a hidden Goth in me: I have a dark sense of humour; I have a dark sense of fashion.

— Sonali Bendre

“Husband?” “Aye. Husband.” “The slow-witted one that’s been following you? I thought he was your servant.”

— G.A. Aiken

The reason I'm not an alcoholic is I don't like to drink in front of the kids . . . and when…

— Phyllis Diller

The people in my audiences are people who never go to comedy clubs. They've grown up with me. They come out to…

— Soupy Sales

“Your cooking reminds me of a Special Olympics race. Reminds me of the time I came in third place. I should have…

— Jarod Kintz

Ladies: The sexiest thing you can do for your man is make him bacon naked.

— Ephrem Hardin

A teenager is someone who is well prepared for a zombie attack but not ready for tomorrows math test.

— Anonymous

You walk into the locker room, and you see players with their ripping muscles and stomachs you could wash your clothes in.

— Jerry Coleman

Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!'

— Zach Galifianakis

I started comedy as a hobby, really, and it still doesn't seem like a proper job.

— Sara Pascoe

The best comedy advice in the beginning of my career was get onstage every night, as many times as possible. It's the…

— Taylor Tomlinson

Obama supporters are like christmas lights. They all hang out together, half of em don't work, and the ones that do work…

— Mario Tomasello

Find, if you can, in what you cannot change. Manners with fortunes, humours turn with climes, Tenets with books, and principles with…

— Alexander Pope

I consider myself a serious musician. Doing a comedy show does not take away from that in any way.

— Kevin Eubanks

Transparency, honesty, kindness, good stewardship, even humor, work in businesses at all times.

— John Gerzema