Humor Quotes · Page 448

The beauty of comedy is you can really push things. Hopefully, you're with people with a sense of humor and can relate…

— Adrien Brody

You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! "Hey I got a - who cares."

— Jim Gaffigan

“on a scale of mental breakdowns from Justin Bieber to Britney Spears, I think I’m about a Shia LaBeouf.”

— Jill Shalvis

You would think doing comedy would be nerve wracking, but punting and kicking footballs gets me more nervous.

— Pat McAfee

You probably found 'How to Survive a Robot Uprising' in the humor section. Let's just hope that is where it belongs.

— Daniel H. Wilson

There's got to be structure and great comedy. When you start with that, everything else falls into place.

— Aries Spears

“He immediately went down with a thud and I was pretty certain most of the furniture in the room jumped when he…

— Kristen Ashley

“If you are toasting a toaster waffle, you can never be not toasting a toaster waffle”

— Jacob Blumenstein

I was always kind of finding humor to be an access point to the conversation, to a pain relief, if you will.…

— Tom Shadyac

People go to Vegas, and they don't know what to do; here's what you do. You go to the casino in your…

— Lewis Black

I didn't want to perform comedy. I always loved humor. Loved making people laugh. I was a big stand up fan, but…

— Andrew Schulz

“[Stephanie] That's not the point. I can't just let monkeys loose in Trenton. [Lula] Why not? There's all kinds of crazy shit…

— Janet Evanovich

I realized, dumb people don't know they're dumb. When people try to make me laugh and they try to be funny, that's…

— Nathan Fillion

“Not a wonder you are out camping with us princess,” Rizz said dryly. Falita gave a clearing snort of her opposite nostril…

— M.L. Hall

“Our relationship was a lot like underwear in a dryer without a static control sheet. One minute we were floating through life,…

— darynda Jones

That would be cool if the earth's crust was made out of graham cracker. It would disappear just like the ozone layer,…

— Mitch Hedberg

That's the staggering, humorous thing about money. If you haven't got taste, money doesn't matter: You'll always look ghastly.

— Joanna Lumley

Whenever you get an inflamed tendon, you've got a problem. OK, here's the next pitch to Gene Tendon.

— Jerry Coleman

The Seasons Difference is a suave and urbane comedy about several immense abstractions - faith, innocence, loneliness, and love.

— Orville Prescott

As I mentioned we have arrested or detained over 1,000 people here in America to determine to find out what they know.

— George W. Bush

“¿Me estás preguntando si me sale pelo en sitios donde antes no tenía? ¿O si me está saliendo rabo?”

— José Antonio Cotrina

Im at the top of my game. And that game is Monopoly. Im standing on the board right now.

— Jarod Kintz

I can only write what makes me laugh, and what makes me laugh is the comedy I grew up on.

— Brendan O'Carroll

“Trust her; we girls are two sheets short of psycho when it comes to our special little time.”

— Sandi Lynn

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers.

— Bill Cosby

Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're…

— Groucho Marx

“It was a hot sticky night in Barcelona and all the good whores had the summer flu.”

— Dan Jenkins

I was watching the Animal Planet. Did you know that the male seahorse has the baby? Why don't they just call that…

— Jim Gaffigan

You don't need to curse and shout at them, instead insult them with your intelligence and sense of humor!

— Glen Rambharack

When audience expect only humorous roles from me, my roles will become cliche and predictable.

— Biju Menon

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

— Anonymous

If comedy can be both - silly and fun but also say something and start a dialogue - that's the most you…

— Lauren Ash

The problem isn't that there's not enough women in panel games. The problem is there's not enough women in comedy in general.

— Lee Mack

Humor, danger and a twisted tangle of unlikely prophecies make for a page-turning adventure.

— Gail Z. Martin

If somebody has no sense of humor, I think that's a great place to start for British comedy in terms of your…

— Matt Berry

“This book is written with an open mind and it should be read with the same”

— Adrian Sandvaer

I do think we need for a troop to be able to house his family. That's an important part of building morale…

— George W. Bush

“Most people, aware of the number of difficulties already present in a thief's life, were kind enough to use the same few…

— Brent Weeks

“A lizard fucks a crab and nine months later a turtle pops out. It's called evolution.”

— Anthony Marra

Yeah, I definitely tend towards dry, sarcastic British humor. I actually aspire to be British - I'm pasty white as well.

— Daryl Morey