Zach Galifianakis

Tigers love pepper...they hate cinnamon.

— Zach Galifianakis

I call my balls the bush twins.

— Zach Galifianakis

I'm Greek. My body produces feta cheese.

— Zach Galifianakis

Hookers don't like to snuggle.

— Zach Galifianakis

My comfort zone is press conferences.

— Zach Galifianakis

My forte is awkwardness.

— Zach Galifianakis

If you see something, say something.

— Zach Galifianakis

My real last name is Galifianakisburg.

— Zach Galifianakis

When a role seems fun it's easy to play. It kind of comes organically.

— Zach Galifianakis

I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective.

— Zach Galifianakis

You save 15 more minutes of sleep if you are a man and you don't have to shave.

— Zach Galifianakis

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

— Zach Galifianakis

The problem with these interviews is that there's no sarcastic font.

— Zach Galifianakis

I've always wanted to have a Greek sitcom called Olive Lucy.

— Zach Galifianakis

I don't know what my assistant would do besides get me pot.

— Zach Galifianakis

I wonder if in 2050 there will be a movie called, 'Dude, Where's My Spaceship'

— Zach Galifianakis

I try to write three jokes every day. I don't sit down and write them, it's just things that pop into my…

— Zach Galifianakis

I'm an American so its kind of hard for me to talk about 9/11. So whenever someone brings it up in a…

— Zach Galifianakis

I just could just shave my beard, and nobody would recognize me. Although I look like Jodie Foster.

— Zach Galifianakis

There was a long time where I was an 'artist' in quotes, who had no money. But I guess back then I…

— Zach Galifianakis

I don't like cursing in movies. I feel like cursing has become the new hackiness. You try to find substitutions for cursing.

— Zach Galifianakis

My stand-up is more like how I am in real life. I don't really do a character thing in stand-up. It's just…

— Zach Galifianakis

I know my face is turning red. I don't want you to interpret it as being embarrassed. It's rage. The color of…

— Zach Galifianakis

The whole thing about working in front of the camera is to make people laugh when they're not supposed to.

— Zach Galifianakis

My brother was torturous, I guess, but in a funny way. He used to say to me, 'I'm giving you a gag…

— Zach Galifianakis

I used to be really cute. I could send you earlier photos where I'm stunning. But I've gained about twenty pounds over…

— Zach Galifianakis

Wherever there's something that people don't feel comfortable talking about, that's where the good jokes are...A bad comic follows his audience, catering…

— Zach Galifianakis

As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood…

— Zach Galifianakis

I wish I could sit back and say, 'Oh, I'm gonna wait for a Merchant-Ivory film to come my way. Or Ivory-Merchant.…

— Zach Galifianakis

When I first got to L.A., I had a pretty good setup. I convinced a mechanic to let me live in an…

— Zach Galifianakis

Four years ago on this very day I tried to take my own life. And I said, "Zach, do it in front…

— Zach Galifianakis

The congressmen and senators used to go have a drink in D.C. They would disagree all day long, but they would find…

— Zach Galifianakis

I have never been much of a groomer. I take baths a lot, but I don't wear deodorant. I don't have to.…

— Zach Galifianakis

I am going to be the next Ryan Gosling.

— Zach Galifianakis

At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?

— Zach Galifianakis

You know you're getting fat when your socks don't fit.

— Zach Galifianakis

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.

— Zach Galifianakis

Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?

— Zach Galifianakis

I'll never forget my grandmother's last words. She said 'What are you doing?'

— Zach Galifianakis

Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.

— Zach Galifianakis