Nikhil Saluja

Life mottos: Live,Love,Laugh... But when all goes wrong: Ready, aim, FIRE!!

— Nikhil Saluja

ProTip: Tell a girl she has nice lips and shell suck your dick right then and there.

— Nikhil Saluja

I typed the word Google into Google. Guess what came up? Everything.

— Nikhil Saluja

Powerful is not he who knocks the other down, indeed powerful is he who controls himself in a fit of anger.

— Nikhil Saluja

The world would be a better place if random animal sounds occurred when women rolled their eye.

— Nikhil Saluja

Twitter should do something about the people who don't no how to spell.

— Nikhil Saluja

Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast.

— Nikhil Saluja

I need to hire a personnel Secretary to reply to all my mentions with lol.

— Nikhil Saluja

Please be safe everyone. I'll unfollow and block you if you die tonight.

— Nikhil Saluja

The best foreplay is when a man leans over, moves her hair and delicately whispers, I'll do the dishes in her ear.

— Nikhil Saluja

I feel like I'm a cockroach when I'm sleeping on my back trying to get up

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate when I'm in a middle of a hot bubble bath with wife & realize that she isn't my wife &…

— Nikhil Saluja

The worst part about shitting in a public restroom, is when the tip of your dick touches the toilet seat.

— Nikhil Saluja

If God Was A Woman… Men would be intelligent enough to tell the difference between six inches and three inches

— Nikhil Saluja

A fun prank to play on your roommate is to not pay rent for 3 months.

— Nikhil Saluja

There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

— Nikhil Saluja

Beware of a man that does not talk and a dog that does not bark.

— Nikhil Saluja

If God Was A Woman… A man's paycheck would be made payable to his wife

— Nikhil Saluja

Girl's Life Lesson 1: Crying confuses men. They get uncomfortable and will do anything to get it to stop. Take advantage.

— Nikhil Saluja

Lost in words, hidden in lies, memories forgotten, silent goodbyes.

— Nikhil Saluja

My friend just told me indirectly that I wasn't human. He was like all humans make mistakes :(

— Nikhil Saluja

Dating your exes again are just like shopping at your own garage sale.

— Nikhil Saluja

Me: I think I could make you very happy She: Why? Are you leaving?

— Nikhil Saluja

When gays hack into their boyfriend's Facebook account, do they change the status to, I'M STRAIGHT AND I LOVE EATING PUSSY!?

— Nikhil Saluja

10 out of every 3 people suffer from multiple personality disorder.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't forget to tell everyone how you hate Mondays, because we were all wondering how you feel about them.

— Nikhil Saluja

Some hoes only meet the parents because they gotta walk pass the living room.

— Nikhil Saluja

Can a mother get pregnant while nursing? Yes, but it's easier if she puts the baby to bed first!

— Nikhil Saluja

TV shows are great when your getting a blowjob. It gives you something to look forward to.

— Nikhil Saluja

To all men who read poetry; I bet if women had dicks, they'd shove them in your mouths to shut you the…

— Nikhil Saluja

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

— Nikhil Saluja

Think of a number between 1 and 10. Multiply by 5. Divide by 2. Close your eyes... Dark isn't it?

— Nikhil Saluja

Most of the time, I only agree with you to shut you the fuck up.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes a lady wants to be woken up with a face between her legs...

— Nikhil Saluja

Just had some great sex! My wife kept screaming for me to stop, but I couldn't hear her over her sister's moaning.

— Nikhil Saluja

I finally found it: Facebook is the family den. Twitter is the shed out back.

— Nikhil Saluja

A Woman Never Say: That was fun, when will all of your friends be over to watch porno's again?

— Nikhil Saluja

People usually say Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Personally, I find it's in big boobs.

— Nikhil Saluja

I had a feeling that someone was following me around all day, then I figured out that it was just my butt!

— Nikhil Saluja

Rumors are a lot like buttcheeks because once you spread them, someone's ass is about to get hurt.

— Nikhil Saluja