Nikhil Saluja

We men don't want sex, we just want blowjob. Its really simple to understand us!

— Nikhil Saluja

I wear a watch on my penis cause bitch you know what time it is.

— Nikhil Saluja

People who use the phrase I'm not here to judge are the most judgmental people you'll ever meet.

— Nikhil Saluja

I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.

— Nikhil Saluja

All a girl wants is a man to treat her right, among a million other things.

— Nikhil Saluja

When it comes to masturbating, my hand can be one of the biggest jerks.

— Nikhil Saluja

I have an impersonal trainer. We meet at the gym, we dont talk, he works out alone, and I go home.

— Nikhil Saluja

Men's Three Rules Of Getting Old 1. Never pass a bathroom 2. Never waste a hard-on 3. Never trust a fart

— Nikhil Saluja

You know you've found true love when you catch yourself falling in love with the same person over and over again.

— Nikhil Saluja

BLOODY HELL FUCKING SHIT GOD DAMNIT I RIPPED MY KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON POSTER!

— Nikhil Saluja

The year is 2060. iPhone 842 is released. the screen touches you

— Nikhil Saluja

Happy Birthday to all the birthdays out there. Hopefully you all get boobs or something.

— Nikhil Saluja

A dentist and a manicurist married. .. . . They fought tooth and nail.

— Nikhil Saluja

If Men Got Pregnant: Children would be kept in hospital until toilet trained

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't take it personally if you unfollow me. Just make sure you never check into foursquare in the future.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just need a search engine that'll remember exactly what I was about to Google when I forget.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies, if you ever find out your husband is cheating, then you should take your fat ass to the gym.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ofcourse gay men dress well... They didn't spend all that time in the closet doing nothing

— Nikhil Saluja

Not everyone is going to like you and you are not going to like everyone.

— Nikhil Saluja

Meanwhile last night on facebook another girl got engaged, must unfriend her now.

— Nikhil Saluja

If the loser smiles after losing the game, the winner loses the thrill of his victory!! That's the power of Smile !!

— Nikhil Saluja

The best 5 seconds of my life are when I wake up and have no idea I'm a human or have responsibilities.

— Nikhil Saluja

Snoring is your body's way of telling everyone not to disturb me asshole can't you see we are sleeping.

— Nikhil Saluja

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

— Nikhil Saluja

I scream, you scream, both of us scream because we are being murdered while eating ice cream.

— Nikhil Saluja

If A Girl Is Silent She Is Feeling Sad If A Boy Is Silent He Is Being Rude

— Nikhil Saluja

Wedding dresses are white so the dishwasher will match the oven and the fridge.

— Nikhil Saluja

A woman can say more in a retweet, than a man can say in a tweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

How to tell if you're a twitter addict: you deny that you're a twitter addict.

— Nikhil Saluja

Your makeup should have a lot of face, not the other way around.

— Nikhil Saluja

Your place or mine? Tell you what. I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.

— Nikhil Saluja

My penis is like a homeless man, the only difference is that my penis dives into cum dumpsters.

— Nikhil Saluja

The hardest thing about losing your short term memory is… 'Happy Birthday' Yes it's someone's Happy Birthday isn't o_O

— Nikhil Saluja

Everything is forgivable if you leave after a one night stand, as long as you were good in bed.

— Nikhil Saluja

Failure doesnt mean you have been a fool¦¦ it does mean you had a lot of faith!

— Nikhil Saluja

Every time I fart, I feel like my asshole is talking shit behind my back.

— Nikhil Saluja

Women love sex in the dark because they can't stand to see a man have a good time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Having tweets favorited rather than being retweeted isn't the same thing as getting friend zoned but it feels similar

— Nikhil Saluja

You know you're drunk when you hear Look! That guy's so drunk he can't even walk! coming from a dude in a…

— Nikhil Saluja

If you're told you only have six months to live, immediately get married. It will make those six months seem like eternity.

— Nikhil Saluja