Nikhil Saluja

If I ever get Alzheimer's, I want someone to put a cape on me and tell me every morning that I used…

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, one in which a woman gives the best years of her life to the man that made them so;

— Nikhil Saluja

My dick is like the Men's Warehouse; You're gonna like the way I fuck, I guarantee it.

— Nikhil Saluja

A Woman Never Say: Let's just leave the toilet seat up at all times, then you don't have to mess with it…

— Nikhil Saluja

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

— Nikhil Saluja

Dont hate inspirational tweeters, theyre just trying to make the world a more passive-aggressively arrogant place.

— Nikhil Saluja

Gasp Reflex : The reaction of a new father when he sees the new mother's breasts.

— Nikhil Saluja

I can tell approximate weight of a girl by going through her Instagram account.

— Nikhil Saluja

Looking at all the chances I was too afraid to take and the people I was too scared to admit my feelings…

— Nikhil Saluja

The blonde cowboy put glue on his six-shooters so he would always stick to his guns.

— Nikhil Saluja

When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

— Nikhil Saluja

Every time I flush the toilet, I literally see my shit spiraling out of control.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I unfollow you or block you, please don't take it personnely. Take it very personnely.

— Nikhil Saluja

My wife got naked & asked me to show her a good time. So I showed her photos of me & my…

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE LETTERS, correspondence that should always bear the salutation: My Dearest, and Gentlemen of the Jury;

— Nikhil Saluja

Thinking of a good surprise to give your girlfriend? How about a thumb in the ass durning doggystyle.

— Nikhil Saluja

This guy in bus just asked if I brought my reusable bag back & I told him it's none of his business…

— Nikhil Saluja

Now, Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.

— Nikhil Saluja

I look at her boobs, and she looks at my dick, and that's when I realize the best things in life are…

— Nikhil Saluja

My girlfriend said, I hate it when you finish my sentences. So I said, Period.

— Nikhil Saluja

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

— Nikhil Saluja

They say that men think about sex every 7 seconds, which is just ridicu... hang on, BRB!

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't worry about the guys trying to bone you, ladies. Worry about the guys trying to debone you.

— Nikhil Saluja

Some guy told me that girls like a guy with some sexual experience. So I sucked a bunch of dicks.

— Nikhil Saluja

Let him open your mind before he opens your Legs. The bond usually lasts longer.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I was a judge I'd give strangers the death penalty for eating with their mouths open.

— Nikhil Saluja

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends Over And over again that you love them.

— Nikhil Saluja

Bingo! I love that game, but I can't remember what to say when you win.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you had sex 365 times in 12 months and melted down the rubbers to make a tire, what would you have??…

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, An investment that pays big dividends if you manage to keep up the interest.

— Nikhil Saluja

The best answer to someone's stupid question is punching them in the goddamn mouth.

— Nikhil Saluja

A woman will watch the game with you. The perfect woman will watch it on top of you.

— Nikhil Saluja

*Follows Dreams* *Wait for few hours* *Dreams dont follow back* *Unfollows dreams*

— Nikhil Saluja

If Men Got Pregnant: All methods of birth control would be 100 per cent effective

— Nikhil Saluja

If Men Got Pregnant: Morning sickness would rank as the nation's number one health problem

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't know who Karma is, but that bitch sure does piss off a lot of people.

— Nikhil Saluja

Third party auditor is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.

— Nikhil Saluja

How to Piss Off A Woman : After sex tell her the doctor assured you it isn't contagious. Then faint.

— Nikhil Saluja

A ghost could be humping you right now and you would never know.

— Nikhil Saluja

I feel like today is going to be a good day but I am bringing my shotgun just in case.

— Nikhil Saluja