Nikhil Saluja

Some smoke after sex. Some sleep after sex. Others just cuddle. I remove traces of my DNA.

— Nikhil Saluja

A Woman Never Say: I liked that wedding even more then ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.

— Nikhil Saluja

Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops.

— Nikhil Saluja

I tried starting a career in Porn but it didn't last. That shit is some stiff competition.

— Nikhil Saluja

Some girls need to have CAUTION: I WILL ATTEMPT TO STEAL YOUR BOYFRIEND! on their profile.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ofcourse gay men dress well... They didn't spend all that time in the closet doing nothing

— Nikhil Saluja

Porn Rule: Women's panties become soaked with moisture at the slightest suggestion of sex.

— Nikhil Saluja

Good girls wax their floors Bad girls wax their bikini line Naughty girls wax your nutsack

— Nikhil Saluja

What mechanical device best arouses the Jewish woman? The Mercedes-Benz SL550 convertible.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've fingered many hookers and not a single one has ever honored the five finger discount.

— Nikhil Saluja

I only bang chicks with a masters degree or higher. Why you ask? Cause I'm fucking genius.

— Nikhil Saluja

Never cry for something you don't have... Let the others cry because they don't have you.!

— Nikhil Saluja

I was going to shoot myself a minute ago but your inspirational tweet showed me the light.

— Nikhil Saluja

You can tell a lot about a person by holding a gun at their head and asking them questions.

— Nikhil Saluja

You should actually tweet everything you do - it's your fucking personal diary not twitter.

— Nikhil Saluja

You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.

— Nikhil Saluja

Inflation hasn't ruined everything. For example, a dime can still be used as a screwdriver.

— Nikhil Saluja

The first thing I do when I receive wedding invitations in the mail is read them for typos.

— Nikhil Saluja

Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly.

— Nikhil Saluja

The weirdest part about having a gay son is knowing that he wants to fuck you all the time.

— Nikhil Saluja

No matter how good she looks, Some other guy is sick and tired Of putting up with her shit.

— Nikhil Saluja

Guys: if one of your homeboys watches Twilight, it's your job as a man to call him a bitch.

— Nikhil Saluja

One of the great mysteries of life is how a man can leave his car keys in the refrigerator.

— Nikhil Saluja

I like the face a girl makes, when another girl she hates shows up on her Twitter timeline.

— Nikhil Saluja

A best friend is there when you have nothing & more importantly when you feel like nothing.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm still trying to move on but every night I can't stop myself from crying because of you.

— Nikhil Saluja

If people suddenly leave me or give up on me without any reasons, its their loss, not mine.

— Nikhil Saluja

A Woman Never Say: Honey come here! Watch me do a tequila shot off of Stephanie's bare ass!

— Nikhil Saluja

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

— Nikhil Saluja

Every night I keep a pillow under my gun in case a murderer threatens me to a pillow fight.

— Nikhil Saluja

Who cares about the Key to a woman's heart when whisKey is the quickest Key to her panties.

— Nikhil Saluja

If God only gave me a clear sign... like making a large deposit in my name at a swiss bank.

— Nikhil Saluja

People who quote-unquote themselves when talking with their fingers can go fuck themselves.

— Nikhil Saluja

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada: Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

— Nikhil Saluja

I think the most impressive thing about the activity tab on twitter is that I never use it.

— Nikhil Saluja

A surprise party is a great way to show your wife how awesome you are at lying to her face.

— Nikhil Saluja

This role playing game is so weird how many followers do I have to gain to get some weapons?

— Nikhil Saluja

FACEBOOK: The only place where you can have a MILLION siblings! Their mothers must be Sluts!

— Nikhil Saluja

I like food and sleep. So if I give you my food or text you all night, you're special to me.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, An event which is called tying the knot -- unfortunately, the knot can be a noose;

— Nikhil Saluja