Nikhil Saluja

Books come in really handy when you need something to put your laptop on.

— Nikhil Saluja

OH Man! These people melting when they are sitting next to me. It's not because I'm hot is it?

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ways of Life : Minds are like parachutes...they function only when open.

— Nikhil Saluja

Noone in this world will ever love you as much as a less attractive person.

— Nikhil Saluja

A best friend is there when you have nothing & more importantly when you feel like nothing.

— Nikhil Saluja

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

— Nikhil Saluja

You can tell a lot about a person by their car… For example, if it's in a ditch, it's a woman.

— Nikhil Saluja

Drunk Twitter because embarrassing myself in one zip code was never enough.

— Nikhil Saluja

Love Love, to be real, must cost, it must hurt, it must empty us of self.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :)

— Nikhil Saluja

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are Laughing WITH you.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate when police stop me and say stupid things like you're speeding and there is a hand hanging out the trunk…

— Nikhil Saluja

I always offer the delivery guy an extra $10 to feed me the pizza.

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman say:OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF. Woman means:I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going Dutch.

— Nikhil Saluja

I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

— Nikhil Saluja

The only time I enjoy listening to people complain is when I have my earphones on.

— Nikhil Saluja

Short & sweet line¦EMPTY POCKET and HUNGRY STOMACH teaches million things in LIFE¦!

— Nikhil Saluja

If women had to give a blowjob every time they said something bad, there would be no more obese women.

— Nikhil Saluja

Wheres the best place for a man to put his checkbook? In his purse right next to his tampons.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't need to control my anger. Everybody around me needs to control their habit of pissing me the fuck off.

— Nikhil Saluja

One of the great mysteries of life is how a man can leave his car keys in the refrigerator.

— Nikhil Saluja

Never let your Ladys mind wonder. its too little to be out on its own

— Nikhil Saluja

I usually try not to sound like an idiot but it's really hard because I am an idiot.

— Nikhil Saluja

24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not. Rehab is for quitters.

— Nikhil Saluja

Women are like coconuts. Sometimes you have to hit them really fucking hard before they will spread open.

— Nikhil Saluja

If she's retweeted you twice in one day, she's pictured what your kids would look like.

— Nikhil Saluja

It is really nice to be addicted to something your hands can reach

— Nikhil Saluja

Someone just stopped me to say that he recognized me from twitter and now I'm writing my suicide note.

— Nikhil Saluja

Disclaimer : Twitter is purely entertainment...it's not to be taken seriously.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ways of Life : A turtle makes progress when it sticks its head out.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'd have more funnier tweets if I was surrounded with more idiots.

— Nikhil Saluja

On the Internet you can be whatever you want! I mean, besides successful.

— Nikhil Saluja

If she smokes cigarettes she probably has the voice of a villain.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl calling another girl a slut is like a retweet but in real life, because you just gave her a shitload…

— Nikhil Saluja

Want to know who to blame for all of your misfortunes? YOURSELF! Quit blaming everyone for the drama you create in your…

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies don't ask for much. They just want shoes, diamonds, less work, free money & a perfect man.

— Nikhil Saluja

When I said What did I do this time? I really meant What did you catch me doing?

— Nikhil Saluja

The best pictures are always taken when you don't know your being pictured.

— Nikhil Saluja

Wait, are you telling me 'professional tweeter' can't go in my CV? Well this was a waste of time.

— Nikhil Saluja