Nikhil Saluja

I like my women like I like my mustard, spread right on top of my wiener.

— Nikhil Saluja

Imagine all the FUN shit we wouldn't have if stupid bitch Eve didn't take a bite from that apple.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, A bargain, and a sensible person understands that someone must get the better of any bargain;

— Nikhil Saluja

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

— Nikhil Saluja

Compromise: The art of dividing the cake in a way that makes everyone believe they got the largest piece.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've fingered many hookers and not a single one has ever honored the five finger discount.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I feel like an assassin, especially when pussy is number one on my hit list.

— Nikhil Saluja

Honey, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex! It's also the food preparation.

— Nikhil Saluja

Girls: to be very honest with you, we guys really don't give a shit about finding your g-spot.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate it when someone says they are not ignoring you but yet they are not talking to you.

— Nikhil Saluja

Blowjobs not only feel great, they're also a great way to get your girl to shut the fuck up.

— Nikhil Saluja

Fact: The more buttons a girl has on her clothes, the easier it is for a guy to take them off.

— Nikhil Saluja

Only when you have eaten a lemon do you appreciate what sugar is.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm on this amazing new diet where the ladies I sleep with don't invite me to their birthday parties.

— Nikhil Saluja

On your death bed, you will think about all of those days you didn't check Twitter.

— Nikhil Saluja

I carry a flamethrower with me at all times just in case someone with bad breath comes too close.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't Take It Seriously * When the MILKMAN says, Do you want it in the front or the back?

— Nikhil Saluja

I tried starting a career in Porn but it didn't last. That shit is some stiff competition.

— Nikhil Saluja

Three Things to Coltivate... Courage, Cheerfulness and Contentment.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, A person who never really becomes good, he is merely more proficient.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you have a problem with me, then talk to me about it.. Not to your 10 friends who can't do anything…

— Nikhil Saluja

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sleeping all day is useless. You'll probably miss an opportunity to meet and hate someone new.

— Nikhil Saluja

Honey.. you are nothing but a door knob, everyone gets a turn ;)

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies: not swallowing a mans semen during a blowjob is a violation of our sperms and conditions.

— Nikhil Saluja

Study: The act of texting, eating and watching TV with an open textbook nearby…

— Nikhil Saluja

I always wanted to know why some people act so different online?

— Nikhil Saluja

Did you hear about the new Playboy magazine for married men? It has the same pictures, month after month after month after...

— Nikhil Saluja

A Boy will Love A Girl for what she looks like; A Man will Love A Girl for who she is!

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, The only game that is never called on account of darkness;

— Nikhil Saluja

Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, A person who only lasts as long as a marriage -- an ex-wife is forever

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate when women say that all men want from them is sex, coz that's bullshit. We want you for blowjobs too.

— Nikhil Saluja

When a girl says Do whatever you want Do NOT do whatever you want.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you park next to me like an asshole, I'll make sure to open my door like an asshole and ding your…

— Nikhil Saluja

Men who don't understand why their woman is mad at them need to realize the woman doesn't know why either.

— Nikhil Saluja

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

— Nikhil Saluja

Some days suck, some days are Contra and you just got the spread powerup.

— Nikhil Saluja

People say 'better late than never' but I believe 'better never than late'.

— Nikhil Saluja

Hello? Hello, uh ... do you sell ladders? Sorry, you have the rung number.

— Nikhil Saluja