Twitter should do something about the people who don't no how to spell. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When your girlfriend says, you can tell me anything, she's really saying, I'm going to tell this to my next boyfriend. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. — Nikhil Saluja Funny Copy Share Image
If you post too much inspirational tweets, I'm reporting you for inappropriate activity. — Nikhil Saluja Inspiration Copy Share Image
Last night, my wife asked if I could make a dinner for a change. I'm glad she has such a good sense… — Nikhil Saluja Change Copy Share Image
On the Internet you can be whatever you want! I mean, besides successful. — Nikhil Saluja Internet Copy Share Image
Nowadays people spend more time cleaning the touchscreen of their cellphone than they spend cleaning their genitals. — Nikhil Saluja Time Copy Share Image
Sometimes I pretend to be normal; but then it gets b-o-r-i-n-g, so I go back to being me. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If a girl takes the time to straighten her hair and you don't fall in love with her you're an asshole. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
If you ever think about committing suicide, remember that's an awful way to go. DM me and I'll take care of it. — Nikhil Saluja Committing suicide Copy Share Image
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. But, he says he can stop any time. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My wife and I revisited the hotel where we spent our wedding night. This time I was the one who stayed in… — Nikhil Saluja Marriage Copy Share Image
Don't try calling me back after I just called you and you didn't pick up. I only feel like talking on the… — Nikhil Saluja Talking on the phone Copy Share Image
A Woman Never Say: I bet it would be kinky to watch you with our baby sitter Tracy. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I showed my therapist some of my tweets and now she's seeing a therapist. — Nikhil Saluja Being cool Copy Share Image
Sometimes I want to sit on my right hand so it feels like someone else is stopping me from masturbating. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
My wife said that she was leaving me because I always exaggerate. I was so shocked I almost tripped over my cock. — Nikhil Saluja Marriage Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, SMART, A man who is on listening terms with his wife — Nikhil Saluja Being cool Copy Share Image
The hardest question in the world to answer completely truthfully is 'how are you?' — Nikhil Saluja Truth Seeking Copy Share Image
Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of erection will prevent potential unsafe sex. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
Men...we spend nine months trying to get out of a vagina, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
I started out with nothing...and I still have most of it left. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
Fun fact: Poop is the only word in the English language that can have its last letter removed and it still means… — Nikhil Saluja English language Copy Share Image
Woman say:OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF. Woman means:I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going Dutch. — Nikhil Saluja Being cool Copy Share Image
Nurse: A woman that wakes you up in the middle of the night to give you sleeping pills. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, then we can be good friends. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
I'm still in my first marriage. I know, it's wrong to talk about it so temporary like that. My current husband hates… — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Whenever I'm feeling down, I come on twitter and read some of your (stolen & reworded) inspirational tweets. Thank you for being there! — Nikhil Saluja Inspiration Copy Share Image
