Nikhil Saluja

How to Piss Off A Woman : Tie her to the bed, describe all the erotic things you plan to do. Then…

— Nikhil Saluja

A relationship is more than finding the right person, its also about BEING the right person.

— Nikhil Saluja

If someone fucks up, let them know. But if they keep fucking up, let them go!

— Nikhil Saluja

A smart ass : Someone who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you what flavor it is.

— Nikhil Saluja

God made woman and the other day he made beer because he was like holy fuck, sorry bro.

— Nikhil Saluja

I think the most impressive thing about the activity tab on twitter is that I never use it.

— Nikhil Saluja

Proud to announce I've now entered the pull my pants down when I pee stage of life.

— Nikhil Saluja

I bet if I punch you in the nose, other people's business would come out.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you act like every other girl, you'll get treated like every other girl

— Nikhil Saluja

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada: Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sexy is always about boobs or butts. It's the way you walk, the way you talk, and the way you think.

— Nikhil Saluja

What if when we die the light at the end of the tunnel is, The opening of another Vagina

— Nikhil Saluja

You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

— Nikhil Saluja

Nothing makes my day better than a morning kiss…on my Wife's ass.

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman can take unpredictable to a whole new level of psycho if you test them...

— Nikhil Saluja

If you're fat and you are sitting down, there's a 100% chance your crack is showing.

— Nikhil Saluja

You might as well be happy. No one gives a fuck if you're sad anyway so stop complaining.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you have the slightest feeling that the tweet was about you, it is.

— Nikhil Saluja

If a girl bangs 10 guys in a year, shes a slut. But if a guy does it¦ hes gay. Definately gay.

— Nikhil Saluja

I named my first born child after my mother-in-law. In fact, lazy fat ass bitch turns 5 tomorrow.

— Nikhil Saluja

When I don't get RT's, I assume half of you are sleeping and the other half have a life.

— Nikhil Saluja

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate when people say I'm literally going to die and they don't.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm thinking of hiring a sharpshooter to 'take care' of my unfollowers.

— Nikhil Saluja

My mind is now so crowded with valuable information that I can't think.

— Nikhil Saluja

Statistically 60% of people use their mobile phone to cheat on their partners. Personally I prefer to use my penis.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, is when either party is good at taking orders

— Nikhil Saluja

A fun thing to do during sex is to ask How's my dick look? every 30 seconds.

— Nikhil Saluja

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't just be the woman that he thinks of while he's watching porn, be the woman he MAKES porn with.

— Nikhil Saluja

Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who…

— Nikhil Saluja

You are growing... when you know what you are but not what you will become.

— Nikhil Saluja

I really hate idiots. It's so hard to play mind games with them.

— Nikhil Saluja

You are merciful... when you forgive in others the faults you condemn in yourself.

— Nikhil Saluja

You haven't got her till she saves your name in her contacts with an emoji next to it.

— Nikhil Saluja

Everybody is tweeting from work. No wondering why the world economy is going down the drain.

— Nikhil Saluja

When I kill a mosquito I smear its blood on my face like a tribal warrior as a warning to other mosquitos.

— Nikhil Saluja

Dear Twitter, Why do you have only 140 characters? Sincerely Facebook

— Nikhil Saluja

I drove my expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm like a magician, cause if a girl tells me she's pregnant, I'll make my own ass disappear.

— Nikhil Saluja