Nikhil Saluja

Failure doesnt mean you have been disgraced¦¦ it does mean you were willing to try!

— Nikhil Saluja

Alarm clocks are like teachers, they wake you up and piss you off.

— Nikhil Saluja

When a woman tells me they're Gods gift to men, I say bullshit, the wooden back scratcher is!

— Nikhil Saluja

When you have a bunch of cash in your wallet, you'll buy anything. But the last 10$ can last an entire week..

— Nikhil Saluja

People who use foursquare, you're making it way too easy for me to murder you.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl gives you breakfast in bed. The woman gives you breakfast and head.

— Nikhil Saluja

STERILISE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

— Nikhil Saluja

Just remember, in a one size fits all world; you will see very few well-dressed people.

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, A person who sits up with you when you are sick, and puts up with you when you are not;

— Nikhil Saluja

Spiders are nature's perverts... Why else are they found in the bathrooms?

— Nikhil Saluja

Most women are open to anything in bed if you make it clear that you are not going to get anything in…

— Nikhil Saluja

Men look at women's behinds and go: what an ass! Women look at men faces and go: what an ass!

— Nikhil Saluja

My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbours changed their password.

— Nikhil Saluja

I used to look for cameras in the mall to steal things, now I look to see if I can scratch my…

— Nikhil Saluja

My best friend told me about a great 80's porn site. I fucking hope he meant the 1980's.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just killed a spider and there's blood everywhere because the spider was on my wife's face. I'm a murderer, guys.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you've ever answered a question with, Google it. Go fuck yourself.

— Nikhil Saluja

You've got higher grades than mine, not because you're smarter than me, but because I'm lazier than you.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.

— Nikhil Saluja

Thanks to Photoshop I can show all my boys the hot ugly chicks I've banged on Facebook.

— Nikhil Saluja

When I'm not on twitter tweeting awesome fucking shit, it's cause I'm busy fishing your sis.

— Nikhil Saluja

One of my coworkers has an annoying habit, He works! Makes me look bad.

— Nikhil Saluja

Before you commit to a bad decision, write your future self a letter explaining why you are making that choice.

— Nikhil Saluja

You're so boring, Even if you threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back to you.

— Nikhil Saluja

If God only gave me a clear sign... like making a large deposit in my name at a swiss bank.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's all fun and games until someone wants something from you...

— Nikhil Saluja

I was a kid during the height of the Cold War. If I did something wrong, my parents just accused me of…

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes you stop talking to someone because you keep telling yourself that if they wanted to talk to you, they would.

— Nikhil Saluja

My biggest problem is falling in love with those who retweet me,

— Nikhil Saluja

Never masturbate to a fantasy involving anyone you might actually have to interact with. Trust me.

— Nikhil Saluja

Youre probably doing something wrong if you have to give a press conference every time you masturbate.

— Nikhil Saluja

Gay men are only good with fashion because they spend so many fucking years in the closet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Forgiveness.. It Is The Wonderful Smell That A Flower Gives., When its Being Crushed..!!

— Nikhil Saluja

They say treat people the way you like to be treated. I say retweet people the way they retweet you!.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm writing a book called Stop Overreacting. If you guys don't buy it I'm going to kill myself.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I have ever said anything to insult you, please let me know.. I might want to say it again.

— Nikhil Saluja

Stop pretending to be stupid on the internet. Just be yourself ... kinda stupid.

— Nikhil Saluja

A Woman Never Say: It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.

— Nikhil Saluja

You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

— Nikhil Saluja

The world would be a better place if people talked TO each other instead of ABOUT each other!

— Nikhil Saluja